Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

I have shared so many of my struggles on this blog. Many of you know that in some ways, the last year and a half has been extremely challenging for me. Stress, depression and anxiety have been near constant companions for much longer than I care to think about, and on top of that, I frequently struggle with trying to figure out where I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. 

And I've mentioned that going to work has been a struggle for quite some time now. For a lot of reasons. Things have just kind of been going downhill for a long time, and I stayed in one place longer than I should have, for the wrong reasons. 

Recently, a position opened up at another branch not too far from my home. I submitted a bid for it and waited to hear if I'd get an interview. Even if I got one, I still wasn't sure that I'd get it, because I knew at least one other person who applied had worked at that branch before. Another transfer opportunity was posted, and I went for that, too, glad to have a sort of back-up. And then I started fretting that I'd miss out on both of those opportunities (I haven't been doing so well on the job front lately) and have been working to combat those feelings of inadequacy and general yuckiness. I had an interview for the first branch yesterday, and it went really well. I was pretty proud of myself for being charming and funny and competent, but still didn't think that I'd get it. 

And today, I found out that I did. 

I can't even begin to describe to you the depth of the relief I am feeling this evening. I got the call about this job three hours ago, and I am still ecstatic and overwhelmed and happy and feel like skipping. I have been in a poisoned, painful, oppressive environment for so long that the thought of being somewhere new is almost too much. When the manager (my new manager) called and said she was offering me the job, I blurted out "holy crap, thank you so much!" I didn't even know what else to say. This was my reaction to being told "we want you" after so many times of hearing "we like you but you're not enough." 

I want to thank every single person who has been praying for me to get away from my current situation and move toward something new. I am also going to ask that you keep praying for me, for a couple of reasons. The first is because I do still need more money- I'm going to be doing the same thing for the same hours and same pay, in a different place. So I am still on the lookout for maybe part time work, and I'm also going to be bidding on some Sunday hours at my new branch the next time that's open (sometime in March.) The pay is pretty great, and I can still go to church and be home for dinner, since the branch is only open 4 hours. That's a pretty sweet deal, I think, and would help out with the bills while eliminating the strain from working two different jobs. But I'm also asking for prayer because I have literally never worked anywhere else other than the place I'm leaving. I started just after my 17th birthday (had my interview when I was still 16!) I had just finished my junior year of high school. Such a huge portion of what I believe to be my identity is linked to this place, this building. I've never known anything else. I'm going to a branch where I don't know anyone (though my in-laws are patrons there, and I'll probably see more people from my church, since it's in the same neighborhood.) It'll just be different. Please pray for me to adjust to this transition smoothly and awesomely. 

I still kind of can't believe that starting on Monday, I won't really be working the same job. The title's the same, but...it's not the same. But I am overdue for a change. So, so overdue. It wouldn't even be accurate to say that I am a different person than I was when I started doing what I do now. I feel like I've been three different people, I have been there so stinking long. But I really am looking forward to seeing what's in store for me, what it will be like to have a fresh start. 

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, it's time to CELEBRATE! Because I'm so HAPPY! Happier than I have been in such a long time!!

Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm FREE AT LAST. 


  1. Praising God with you and continuing to lift you up in prayer!

  2. Amen! I'm praising God and continuing to pray :)


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