Passing Understanding

"The fruit of silence is prayer; the fruit of prayer is faith; the fruit of faith is love; the fruit of love is service; the fruit of service is peace."

Last year was tumultuous. I actually had a pretty good year, but gosh, there was so much going on in the world that was disturbing and upsetting. Horrific. My heart seemed to break over and over and over again. There were terrorist attacks and natural disasters and mass shootings, just to name a few incidences. And on top of all the chaos making headlines in the news, violence and hatred seemed to pop up a lot in my everyday surroundings. I had to take a break from social media for a little while over the summer (and change a few things when I came back) because my mind and heart were so heavily burdened by the things I was exposed to on a daily basis. It's bad enough to hear about bad things in the news- but to see people I know (or people I don't, really) cursing each other, spreading hatred and bigotry, preying on people's fears....it was overwhelming. I couldn't take it anymore, so I had to tune it out.

Toward the end of 2015, though, I started to realize something. One of the things that God wants most for us is peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. We are instructed to seek peace in our personal conflicts. Even when dealing with our own thoughts and fears, it comes back to peace. Now, other than a weird fascination with the hippie movement I had in middle school, "peace" has never really been something that's featured largely in my life. Growing up with an anxiety disorder and coping with clinical depression really kept me from giving too much thought to the concept, other than "I've heard of that, must be nice for the people who have it." When yet another mass shooting claiming the lives of innocent civilians took place just before Christmas, I turned to my Bible for comfort (or a Bible app!) I wasn't afraid. I'm still not afraid of terrorist attacks, or bad guys with guns, whatever you want to call them. But I did notice how intensely fear affects people. Mostly it made people I know angry, and sometimes a little hateful. The things that were said in the aftermath of the San Bernadino shooting regarding our fellow human beings demonstrated a real lack of peace- and a lack of a desire to foster it, too. But these ideas really contradicted what I was reading in my Bible. We are told not to fear, to love our neighbors, to pray for our enemies, to turn the other cheek. Peace, peace, peace. I shared some of these verses in the hopes that some frightened or angry friends and family might see them and pause. Take a deep breath. Think about what Jesus calls us to do in these situations. Pray, instead of shouting. And that's when it hit me. I knew what my word for 2016 was going to be.

Peace.

In 2016, I am seeking peace. I want peace for myself- a nice calm mind and spirit. Some ways I'm working on this are spending time every evening reading my Bible. I got myself and two lovely friends pretty journals with reading plans printed in the front, and having the plans and knowing friends are reading along, too, has really helped me stay accountable. I know we're only two weeks into the new year, but I feel like I'm doing pretty well so far, and I'm encouraged by that! I'm noticing new things in often-read passages, and I'm making it a point to share a verse with my instagram followers and facebook friends every evening (I try to find pretty, stylized prints of them through Google!) I also started reading Jesus Calling: Morning and Evening, which was a Christmas gift from my mom. I have owned a copy of Jesus Calling for several years now, and I love the deeply personal way Sarah Young brings the words of the Bible to life. The nice thing about this updated version is that there is a devotional for the morning, and the evening, as the title suggests! There have been two days so far where I forgot to read the morning devotional in the actual morning hours, but I have faithfully kept up with it before bedtime, and I'm a little proud of that, too. :)

Not only do I want peace for myself, I want peace in my household, and peace in my world, too. I'm trying really hard to be conscious of the way I speak to my husband, and apologize if my tone gets harsh at times. I want to do as much as I can to make the world a better, more peaceful place, too. Sometimes that means sharing a news article with some good news, contradicting widely held prejudices or misconceptions. Sometimes that means ignoring a stupid comment or a rude post (I have a tendency to want to argue with people when I feel they're wrong. My moral compass, or whatever you want to call it, can be overbearing at times- I don't like it when things are wrong or unfair, and sometimes I feel compelled to fight about it.)

Perhaps most importantly, I want the people I love to have a little more peace, too. Several friends and family members have been facing many trials over the past weeks, months, and even years. My prayer is that I will be receptive to their needs and will be able to help them, even if it's in a small way, to have some peace. Maybe that means helping them move past a tough situation, or providing some comfort in a time of loss, or even just being an encourager when they share their frustrations and fears with me. I want my sponsor kids to have peace, too, and am specifically praying for more of that in their lives. This year I'm going to be working on some new project ideas for things to send them, and really trying to speak peace into their lives and specific situations. Most of my letters are about *my* life and what's going on with me, because I like to write several times a month (of course, response letters are written in direct response to letters I've received from them!) But this year, I want to try to get a little more info out of them regarding their hopes, their worries, and even the situations in their neighborhoods and countries. I want to better know how to pray for them and encourage them. I want them to have peace in their hearts and rest easy at night, even if their father is in jail, or their mother lost her job, or they're sharing a bed with multiple siblings, or they're concerned about their school performance or their future.

I'm really enjoying reading others' blog posts about their goals for the new year, and thrilled that very few of them seem to be the tired old favorites like "lose weight" or "spend less." There is so much more to life than the size of your clothing, or how much money's in the bank. :) Did you pick a word for 2016? I'd love to hear about it!


And just because I love you, take a look at this little cutie. Ashini lives in Sri Lanka and attends the Peace Makers child development center in her community (see what I did there?) Please join me in praying that this precious little girl finds a sponsor soon!

Opportunity

Hello, friends!

I come to you today with a prayer request. I'm not sharing the details right now, because sometimes I feel a little superstitious, and I don't want to jinx myself. But I still want some prayers!

I'm praying about an opportunity. It's kind of a big deal, and a big commitment. Several things would need to fall into place for me to be able to follow through on this opportunity. My heart and my mind are pretty much already set on following through with this, but that might just be because I'm excited about it. I want to pray about it and make sure that I'm following God's will, but I'm not very good at that. I struggle with doing things on my own schedule and following my own will, because I find it very, very hard to hear from God. I try and try and try and it happens *very* rarely. I think that my desire to follow this opportunity comes from him, because of this sense of determination, purpose, and confidence I have about it, but I would like to be careful about it.

This opportunity also involves my family, in a way. So I would appreciate your prayers for me and for my family. I really need some discernment. I'm praying for some very clear signs. Like, I'm tempted to throw fleeces out on my yard, at this point. That worked for Gideon, right?

My mom suggested taking 30 days to pray about this. So I will be praying about it continuously until the end of this month. If you are willing to join me in praying, or pray for me even off and on during that time, will you please comment on this post, or the facebook post I will use to share it? Hopefully in a few weeks I will be back here with an update full of excitement, rather than disappointment. :)

"I appeal to you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf." Romans 15:30

On a Break

Edit: Everything below this line, I wrote about a week ago. I didn't make this post live because I was still really conflicted about what I was feeling, but today was the straw that broke the camel's back. This morning, on a totally inane article about the representation of the Confederate flag in media (like, how it's painted on the General Lee on "Dukes of Hazzard") I saw some of the most distressing and appalling things from people who live in my own city. All of them, except one lady named Wanda, were upset. Upset that my senators are talking about taking down the statue of the traitor Jefferson Davis that stands in the capitol building. Upset because they feel the flag is a part of their history, and to deny it would be un-American. Upset because they saw a picture of a black guy holding the flag in a picture so that means it's not racist at all. Arguing that the Civil War was not about slavery, despite all the states' declarations of secession stating otherwise. And then there was the guy that said, in essence, that black Americans should not complain too much about slavery, because if it wasn't for slavery, their ancestors never would have made it to America, which is "the greatest country in the world." And I just started crying. I can't cope with the violence and depravity and ignorance and dumb-assery anymore. My heart is broken and there is no way that it can get any better while I'm still exposed to this garbage. The internet and I are going on a little break. Hopefully when I come back, whether it's in a couple of days or a couple of weeks, humanity will have gotten itself together and stopped being quite so disappointing. 

I'm having a struggle with social media.

If we are facebook friends, you know that I spend a *lot* of time online. It's not that I just spend eight hours a day in front of a laptop- though if I'm having a really bad day, I might come close. It has more to do with the fact that I'm constantly connected, through my phone, my tablet, and of course, my computer. And the fact that I have a lot of free time- remember, I only work 20 hours a week and I have no children. And I'm by myself a lot. I'm very alone. Two days a week, I don't see my husband until 9:30 at night. Two days a week, I don't see him until almost 6:30. The other three days are hit and miss. Even if we are together, we may not be talking, because Brandon isn't a chatty person. I'm not picking on him- if you know him, you know he doesn't talk much. He talks to me more than he talks to anyone else. But we don't have frequent, long conversations. Our talking, most of the time, comes in short bursts. Now, I don't think I'm an extrovert, but being alone by myself, having no one to talk to, for most of the hours during the week is hard. Sometimes it contributes to my depression. Some days I feel lonelier than others. It's a little embarrassing to say to the world "I'm lonely," but it's true. I live a pretty isolated life, and sometimes it's hard.

So being online is important to me. Most of the week, it is my connection to the outside world. I can chat with friends, and make new ones. The time-wasting aspect is fun. It's a creative outlet, because I can write posts on my blogs, or find new projects and recipes, or just make up funny stuff to share with friends. It's how I keep up with my extended family, whom I don't see all that often. And I can keep up with the news, too. If something is happening, I know right away. And I can fact check and poke around for corroborating stories, so I know that I'm getting the truth.

But sometimes, the internet is so hard on me. I feel overexposed- not that people are seeing too much of me, but I'm getting too much of them. It's like when you start to feel sick after being out in the sun too long. For a while, you don't notice it, but the more time you spend out there, just surrounded by this intangible force, it starts to make you sick. I am a very sensitive person who is very empathetic and has more than her fair share of emotions. There are days when my heart breaks many times, whether it's a tiny chip or a big, dangerous looking spiderweb of a break, like a busted-up windshield. Every once in a while, it feels like the break is too much and my heart shatters into tiny little pieces. It takes a while to put it back together.

My heart is so broken today. I am very overexposed. I am shattered. The everyday chatter is just too much. I'm witness to marriages falling apart- people abandoned by spouses in a sudden, abrupt end to what they thought was a fairy tale. I see people waiting to bring their children home, or aching to carry a child of their own. I see people having crises of faith. People grieving. People caring for ailing loved ones. People struggling with their own depression. People losing their jobs or struggling to make ends meet.

Beyond the personal tragedies, there are the ones that don't affect us directly. The news is unbearable some days. I'm not going to ignore it, because that's so disrespectful to the people who are suffering. I can't turn a blind eye to that. But I feel so burdened by how messed up the world is. Another shooting. Another murder. Another scandal. More victims. More bullies. More tragedies. Abuses of power. Neglect and abandonment. People being taken advantage of. And then the arguments that follow. This person can't say "I wish people wouldn't shoot each other" because that person will say "we have the right to carry guns and don't you dare talk about taking them away." This person can't say "some police officers aren't doing their jobs well, just like any other person in any other field, but it's a little scarier because people could get hurt" without someone saying "how dare you criticize people who are protecting us, I hope that if you are ever the victim of a crime, they don't come to help you." This person can't say "I cried for an hour after waking up today because a psycho racist went and murdered nine innocent people while they were having a Bible study" without that person saying "you're a race baiter." For crying out loud, the news media can't even share an unbiased story, just simply reporting a handful of facts, without people accusing them of "fanning the flames." Hello. They are reporting. The flames don't need to be fanned. The whole world is on fire.

And then, there's the stupid. My heart is broken and my stomach is sick and my brain is hurting because of all this stuff, and then......the stupid. I know people who are always willing to shout "religious persecution!" and post about praying for every group of Christians around the world who are suffering, and have not said one blessed word about the tragedy in Charleston- not even a picture of a candle, saying "we're praying for you." But they can share cheese dip recipes and funny animal pictures and other nonsense. I know people who are actually really kind and loving in person, but if you didn't know them and just looked at their facebook page, you'd think they hated half the world, calling them ugly names just because of differences of opinion. I've seen memes comparing the president of the United States to Hitler and Stalin because...I don't know, he belongs to a different political party? I've seen people sharing photoshopped pictures of black protestors carrying signs, and the signs have been digitally altered to embarrass them or slander them. Or the ten year old photos of Muslim men in the Middle East, protesting American interference in their affairs, and the caption says that this is taking place in Michigan, this weekend, and "Shariah law is a credible threat to our society." I see every form of underhanded, false, made-up, hyperbolic, nationalist, xenophobic scare tactic. I'm never going to say I don't make fun of people, because if you write "umbeyonce" instead of "ambiance" in a facebook post, I'm definitely going to laugh at that. That's silly. But I know people who have said the nastiest things about Caitlyn Jenner. I know people who STILL make AIDS jokes. I know people who joke about sending people to hell. And then share Bible verses. Or a picture of Jesus, demanding that you share his Divine Visage, or you are "denying him." Explain that to me, please.

So maybe social media and I need to take a break. I'm scared to do it, to be honest. I'm scared to remove that particular distraction from my life. I'm scared to be out of contact with people I do care about. I'm scared that the isolation and loneliness will become even more pervasive. And I like to say that I don't care what other people think about me (as long as what they think is true), and in some instances, that's an honest sentiment. But I don't like it when people say "I'm quitting facebook" just to get the attention. We're not in middle school. And I also don't want to turn around two days later and get right back to it, and have someone confront me about it. "Thought you were quitting?" So to clarify- I'm thinking of taking a break. Maybe when I come back, the news will be happier. Maybe people I care about will be doing a little better, carrying a little bit lighter burden. Maybe just taking a break for the weekend will make my heart and head feel better. I don't know. Both have been doing so badly this week that it's worth a shot.

The First Decade

Today is a pretty good day to get back into the swing of my gratitude challenge.

Ten years ago, I was a very different person.

I had just finished my junior year of high school. I had long, black hair. I wore four-inch platform heels and knee socks with bows and too much eye makeup (well, that last part hasn't changed that much.) I stayed up until 4 in the morning and ate like a starving artist, living on coffee and cheese sandwiches from sun up to sun down.  I had just had a "friendship breakup" with someone who had become very close to me and was feeling a little lost. I didn't know Jess or Zach or Hannah or any of these other lovely people that have come into my life since then. Brandon wasn't even on my radar. I spent the first days of my summer break sleeping as late as possible and devoted the hours that followed to absorbing as many books and as much cable TV as I could. It was the age of AIM and screen names and no facebook (for high schoolers, anyway) and only texting every once in a while, because text messages cost money and most of us didn't have any sort of allowance for that on our parents' cell phone plans.

And ten years ago today was the very first day of my very first job. On June 20, 2005, I started working at the library.

A lot has changed since then. Not just in my personal life, in a lot of ways. Brandon and I eventually got together. I graduated high school went to college for a while, got married, had a few surgeries, lived without my parents for the first time, bought a house, got diagnosed with a few random things, went to Africa once and Disney World five times. Career-wise, I took a promotion after a year of work, had three different managers, had the rug pulled out from under me, and got reminded that, even though I'm not in 7th grade anymore, people can still be bullies and the world is not a fair place. I transferred to another place and now I am so, so happy. Still neurotic and anxious and stressed (I think those are part of my DNA), but happy (with work, anyway.) I have wonderful new friends. My work load is lighter, because I have a good and fair manager and sane coworkers. I have fun at work. I think people appreciate having me around- at least I keep them entertained. I feel welcome and wanted, and that's amazing. Even though I want to make more money by working a full-time job, I'm glad that I was able to move to a safer location, rather than leaving the library completely, because libraries have always been so important to me. Reading is a big deal in my family, and I've been a faithful patron since kindergarten. I love libraries and I'm lucky I get to work somewhere I love.

Ten years working in one place. Sometimes I feel weird about it- like, if I run into someone I haven't seen in a long time, it feels strange to say "I'm still at the library," like I should be embarrassed about it. A lot of people would be unhappy with themselves, working at the same place they've worked since high school. And I do struggle with it sometimes (I wouldn't mind as much if my debt was paid off and the rest of my life was like I want it to be.) But I've got it pretty good. I'm guaranteed the same number of hours every week. I don't have to worry about being downsized or let go for arbitrary reasons, because of the way my job is structured and the protections that are in place. My hourly pay is pretty good, for the skill level and education requirements. And it's hard to find part-time customer service jobs with benefits like mine. I was the only person in my senior class in high school that had paid vacation sick time, and government holidays. That's a sweet deal. And I get to have fun at work, not just with my coworkers. I get to know families I care about. I get to talk about books and share my experiences with others. My favorite part is talking to the kids, because we have a lot in common and they think I'm pretty cool because of that.

So I'm grateful for my job. I'm grateful that it helps me pay the bills. I'm grateful it's stable and steady, and I'm grateful for the good things it's brought to my life.

I'm Out of Spoons

I have been a big slacker lately. Slacking at life. I haven't been keeping up with my blog, or my gratitude challenge posts (but I did buy a gratitude journal, so that's good) and housekeeping has been falling by the wayside and I'm very slow to respond to emails. I feel like I have a pretty good reason for it, though- I feel like death. Or I did. Now I feel like death warmed over. Anyway. Here's one of those random personal posts that will serve as an update on my life, since this blog is supposed to be about my life and all that.

You probably already know that I have a genetic disease called EDS that can cause a bunch of random "accessory" illnesses, and also causes fatigue and chronic pain. And you may remember that I have anxiety and depression. And also a really bad stomach. Seriously, I've been on reflux medication since I was in elementary school, and I feel sick just about every day.

So a few months ago, I started having stabbing pain in my abdomen. For a while it reminded me of a gall bladder attack, except there's one problem: I had my gall bladder removed five years ago. The nausea's been worse, and my appetite is all but nonexistent a lot of days. I had an upper GI scope (which I'm supposed to have every few years) which showed that I've got some polyps in my esophagus, but the biopsies came back showing they're benign (apparently, taking reflux meds long-term can cause one to develop polyps. Fun.) I had some other biopsies done of my stomach tissue, and none of them provided any answers- except that I don't have Celiac's disease. Ok. But I still felt bad, so I started having bloodwork done. Everything seemed pretty normal, and the blood test for Celiac's also came back normal (one or the other test can sometimes be a false negative.)

Then a couple of weeks ago, I got hit HARD with severe fatigue. Two hours to wake up and get out of bed (I sometimes get this sleep paralysis thing where my head is awake but I can't do anything.) Then another hour and a half on the couch before I can even function. I told a few friends that I had lost my coping skills and was operating on "coasting skills," meaning that my primary goal for each day was to put on pants and make it to work. And that's about all I got done. There were at least a couple of days when I was too tired to wash my hair. Seriously. I was so worried. It's a scary feeling not being able to do anything, and then there's the guilt that comes along with not being able to take care of my house or get the things done that I want to do. My mom speculated that I was just having a fibromyalgia flare, since the fatigue really hit after I'd had a busy weekend- a day running errands with Brandon before his brother's graduation; work all day; then an all day family graduation party. Even if there was a semi-logical explanation for what I was feeling, it's still scary. I felt like my battery had run out, if I had one. I just couldn't hold a charge. I was feeling so badly that I was really starting to worry I was dying. I called my doctor and arranged to have a complete blood panel done, which revealed that I was anemic, and a bunch of vital things in my blood were low or at the lowest end of "normal"- my B12, vitamin D (which I always have trouble with- I have almost none in my body), platelets, hemoglobin, all these other random things. One being low would make anyone tired. But I had like, five different things, on top of my other issues that make me a fatigued person at times. All things considered, I'm really proud of myself for making it to work as often as I did, although other people may not understand that.

And then, at the end of last week, I had another appointment to try to explain my increased problems with my stomach. I went in for food allergy testing. My doctor was so nice! He was funny and charming and a kind Christian man whose son is married to the daughter of my parents' church, where I got married. Small world. Anyway. They scratched my back with 150 different things after a long interview talking about all my problems, and 20 minutes later the doctor came back in and said "Jessi, we may have something here. We just might." I had a positive reaction to 22 different things that they tested me for, which is kind of a lot (but could be way worse.) Twenty two! That doesn't mean that I'm truly allergic to all of those things, that they will make me sick every time I consume them, just that my body was  like "hey, no, what is that, nope" when exposed to it. Something's going on there. So I am supposed to embark on a "process of elimination diet" thingie over the next few months. I'll pick six or seven of the red flag foods, eliminate them from my diet completely for 2 weeks, and then start reintroducing them, one at a time, for a week at a time. If my symptoms continue, then I know not to eat that food. However, I am seriously considering just cutting them out of my diet and leaving them out. It's a weird feeling, having this little ray of hope. Like I said, I've felt sick almost my whole life. It's just gotten so much worse over the past few years. Wouldn't it be weird to feel like a normal person? Or halfway normal? If that means giving up these foods, I want to give it a try. It's going to be challenging, because some of the foods are harder to avoid. Like, two things on the list were baker's yeast and potatoes. That's a huge part of my diet- bread and potatoes. I know that's not super healthy to begin with, but that's my life. So this weekend I've been eating everything on tortillas, because that's the closest thing to bread I've found so far (haven't checked out any specialty breads yet) that doesn't have yeast in it. And pretty much everywhere I go, I order fries. Not anymore, I guess. My mom and I like to meet for lunch at this burger place in the same shopping center as her store. The only main dish that they serve that doesn't come on a bun (yeast) is a rolled oyster. And guess who tested positive for an oyster allergy? Plus the only side they have is fries. So we will need to find somewhere else to meet for lunch, I guess. We'll see how the next few months go. I've got a follow up appointment in September, and maybe by then I'll have this whole restrictive diet thing figured out.

Anyway, that's why I haven't been posting as often, and haven't kept up with my regular post, and haven't been leaving my house much lately (not that you would have noticed that.) I have about 15% more energy this week than I had last week, which, while it's an improvement, things are still kind of rough. It's 9:37 in the morning, technically I've been awake for almost three hours (I did take a quick nap) and I've put six things in the dishwasher and made myself a pot of coffee. That's about it. I've stopped making to-do lists for each day and started making lists of things I'd "like to get done this week." But hopefully things will get better soon, between the vitamins I'm taking for the fatigue and the foods I'm eliminating for my stomach. Hopefully the fall will be better than the summer. And spring. And winter. It's something to look forward to, anyway. This is the first time in a long time that a medical professional has told me "there is something that you can do that might make you feel better." Normally they just say "well, that's part of what's wrong with you. You'll just have to cope." And coping is hard. It's exhausting. But now I have a little bit of hope. I don't have french fries or potato salad or Olive Garden breadsticks or guacamole strawberry smoothies or these other things I really enjoy, but I have a bit of hope. And that's kind of nice.

PS If you don't understand the title of my post, give this a read. 

A Fork in the Road

Hey folks,

I am going to be blogging in two places from now on- you can expect the same content on this blog, but I am going to share personal posts of a particular nature on another, newer blog. I just feel like it's what I need to do in this season of my life. This blog is about adoption- and while I need to make it clear that Brandon and I are not currently in any sort of official stage of adopting a child (sorry to disappoint), that's where those kind of posts are going to be, and I'll be sharing my heart about the topic there in the meantime. You can read more about what's going on in my head in the first post, which you'll find here. And I invite you to follow along, because maybe from time to time I will have some interesting things to say. I'll definitely be sharing lots of prayer requests and related posts there, too.

Oh, and the nice thing about this particular fork in the road is that you can keep following both roads at once. : ) I just couldn't think of a better phrase at the time of this writing!

Edit: Also, I am sharing this post on my facebook page and other "media outlets" (har) because if I were to share a post from "Jones, Party of Three" on there right now, people would skip the crucial step of actually reading/thinking and start congratulating me or whatever. So I am rolling it out slowly, and covering it up (for the moment) with *this* blog so some certain people don't get the wrong idea! I feel like I've just fed you some clickbait- sorry! But there's a reason behind it! 

Next year, it will be "28 Pictures of Baby Sloths."

Today's my birthday! Yay! Another year older. Not much is different from last year. Or the year before that. Or the one before that one. You get the idea. I do like doing birthday blog posts, though. I think last year, I did a post of random things about me. So this year, here are 27 things I like.

1. Making lists. And writing. Hence, this list. Also, to-do lists help me feel better about the day, in some ways. Life seems less overwhelming. And I always put easy stuff on there, too, which helps me feel less like a failure on those days when I'm not able to do as much. "Breakfast" is always at the top of my list, even though I don't eat breakfast. I drink coffee. But I know what I mean. 
2. Coffee. Oh, I love coffee. I'm not a snob about it. I don't drink anything fancy, just stuff that tastes good to me. I had a friend in high school that scored us free drinks at Starbucks several times a week. That relationship wasn't super healthy for me, but gosh, I miss the free coffee. Several months ago I started brewing it at home again, after a really, really long time (like, high school.) My favorite coffee is Texas Turtle from World Market. It tastes like chocolate and caramel. My second favorite is Vanilla Creme Brulee from Target. Generally, I like to go with vanilla and/or caramel. When I get Starbucks, though, I get the biggest possible iced latte with raspberry and white chocolate, and a few extra shots of espresso. 
3. Cupcakes. Cupcakes are a right, not a privilege. Everyone should have at least one a week. They are a thing of beauty. I don't just like eating them, I like decorating them and wearing them on my jewelry and clothing. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that last year, too, but who cares. I want a cupcake right now. 
4. Dinosaurs. I think it would have been fun to be a paleontologist. I would probably think dinosaurs were ok even if Jurassic Park had never happened (the movie, not like a real life event. Unfortunately.) But that really just kind of exploded my interest in them- not just lit a spark. It was more of a massive explosion. 
5. Hospitals. This one is really weird, but hey, that's me. I don't like being sick or hurt, and I don't like when people I care about are sick or hurt. But hospitals don't upset me, like they do some people. I like the cafeterias and the gift shops. I like nurses. I like learning about the equipment and procedures and codes and slang. I like the little old ladies that work at information desks. I'd like to work in a hospital, but the hours are really crazy and I don't know if I could do that. I even like TV shows that are set in hospitals. 
6. Grocery stores. Not boring ones- natural ones or gourmet ones or international ones. Even if I can't really buy much, I like seeing the different ingredients and things that aren't part of my everyday life. Weird vegetables and unusual fruits and fish that does not come in stick form. Food dye made from beets. I don't know. I think it's fascinating. Bonus points if there's a cheese counter. 
7. Stationery. I have a stationery problem. I buy a lot of notebooks and journals. I really like pens, and would buy more of them if there were more "testers" available in the stores. Different kinds of inks in all different colors. Tiny boxes of paper clips and push pins. Stickers and post-its. I love it all. I want a lot of it. I don't know what I'd do with it, though. 
8. Coloring. I love to color. I don't get to do it very often any more. I only color with crayons, because they're the best. And I only use Crayola. And my crayons are sorted into baggies by color. And I usually only buy the boxes of 96 or more colors. So I have a lot of crayons. 
9. Corn on the cob. Just wanted to put that out there. It's corn season. Corn on the cob is awesome. It's best grilled. It is also really good fried. And I got to eat some this weekend, so it is on my mind. 
10. Puppies. But who doesn't like puppies? Psychopaths, that's who. I really miss having a dog. 
11. Mail. I would love mail even if I didn't have sponsor kids. I sent cards to people all the time before I became a sponsor, because I like getting mail, so why wouldn't everyone else? Cards and letters are very nice. Sadly, they are both endangered species. 
12. Road trips. I haven't been on one in a while. I like rest stops and tourist brochures and picnic lunches and packing bags of busy activities for the back seat. I don't get car sick, which is kind of a miracle considering all the other things wrong with me. Road trips are special. And I think they're probably more fun than flying to a vacation destination. 
13. Magnets. When I do take road trips, I buy fridge magnets. I like kitschy ones. When people take road trips, sometimes I ask them to bring me a magnet. Or any kind of trip, really. I have magnets from several states and six different countries. I need a bigger fridge. 
14. TV. I love TV. Well, we don't have *real* TV, we have Netflix. But I love finding shows and watching them all the way through. Sometimes I am surprised with the things I end up liking. I decided to watch the West Wing, and I adore it now. I never would have thought I'd enjoy it, because I had to watch a few episodes in high school for a class, and you know how things aren't as enjoyable when someone is *making* you do them. Anyway, there are several shows that I like watching over and over again, like House, The Office, and The Golden Girls. 
15. Candles. I used to be pretty freaked out by them because a friend of mine died in a house fire. And fire still scares me and I run my used matches under the faucet before throwing them away. But I am a little picky about candles- I only like ones that smell like food!!! Usually sweet food. In my house right now, I have a coffee candle ("Christmas morning"- it might be coffee and donuts), a pancake candle, a caramel popcorn candle, and a blueberry muffin candle. 
16. Politics. But not politicians. I like history and the way our government works, but everyone does a crappy job of that. This is why I studied politics and history in college. And I get excited about shows like The West Wing. I watch that and I want to serve my country by working for the government. But then I remember that real life is not TV (or books) and I am disgusted. 
17. Sloths. They are my second favorite animal. My friend Kelli and I became a little obsessed with them after seeing one just chilling in the movie "The Mission." They are amazing. 
18. Walruses. They are my first favorite animal. 
19. Tapirs. And tree kangaroos. And a bunch of other weird animals other people don't understand or haven't heard from. I really, really love animals. 
20. Zoos. I feel weird about it because I'm so anti-circus, and some zoos are just a step up from that. So I like zoos but I also like working to improve zoos. When I first got married, I thought it would be really cool if Brandon and I could visit a zoo in every state, one each year. And then we could go to like, Hawaii for our 50th anniversary. And go to a zoo there. But we haven't left the state since our honeymoon, when we went to Disney World. Oh well. Maybe someday! 
21. Disney. Hey, I love Disney World and Disney movies. I know I have covered this before. My favorite is The Little Mermaid  but I also love Ratatouille. And Brave. And a bunch of other ones. 
22. Musicals. Les Mis is probably my favorite. And I really like Moulin Rouge. 
23. Things that look like food. I think food jewelry is really cute. Like earrings that look like pancakes. Or cupcake earrings. On Etsy, you can also find some really incredible soaps that look like food. More cupcakes. 
24. Children's books. I read a ton of them. I order most of the new picture books we get at the library. Sometimes I order all the books that pop up under a particular keyword, like around Christmas I read all the picture books about pie. And sometimes I order non-fiction stuff when I see an intriguing title, because I like to learn. Like, "Why Do I Burp", or books about how we get salt. Learning is important and it doesn't matter where you're getting your information as long as it's CORRECT information.
25. Spelling and grammar. I play a little loose with the rules on my blog, because I like to write like I speak, but I am also pretty picky. Spelling was my favorite subject all through school, and I got to grade papers to help out my teachers starting in third grade. But spelling is not a marketable skill, so I don't feel like saying that is really bragging. 
26. Daffodils. They are my favorite flower. I was so excited when I saw that there are some growing behind my new branch, but I could never get a picture of them because we had a very rainy spring. So every time I was at work, it was either raining or dark. 
27. Ducks. If I see a duck, I feel that it's probably going to be a good day. The babies are cute and the adults are just neat, because they sound silly and they walk silly, and they like puddles. I don't know why I like them so much, but I do. 

I don't know what I'm going to write about next year, because this was a little bit hard! Anyway, yay for birthdays. This year was hard, as have all the other years I've had recently, but I'm thankful that I made it through. Hopefully there will be many more to come.

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

I have shared so many of my struggles on this blog. Many of you know that in some ways, the last year and a half has been extremely challenging for me. Stress, depression and anxiety have been near constant companions for much longer than I care to think about, and on top of that, I frequently struggle with trying to figure out where I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. 

And I've mentioned that going to work has been a struggle for quite some time now. For a lot of reasons. Things have just kind of been going downhill for a long time, and I stayed in one place longer than I should have, for the wrong reasons. 

Recently, a position opened up at another branch not too far from my home. I submitted a bid for it and waited to hear if I'd get an interview. Even if I got one, I still wasn't sure that I'd get it, because I knew at least one other person who applied had worked at that branch before. Another transfer opportunity was posted, and I went for that, too, glad to have a sort of back-up. And then I started fretting that I'd miss out on both of those opportunities (I haven't been doing so well on the job front lately) and have been working to combat those feelings of inadequacy and general yuckiness. I had an interview for the first branch yesterday, and it went really well. I was pretty proud of myself for being charming and funny and competent, but still didn't think that I'd get it. 

And today, I found out that I did. 

I can't even begin to describe to you the depth of the relief I am feeling this evening. I got the call about this job three hours ago, and I am still ecstatic and overwhelmed and happy and feel like skipping. I have been in a poisoned, painful, oppressive environment for so long that the thought of being somewhere new is almost too much. When the manager (my new manager) called and said she was offering me the job, I blurted out "holy crap, thank you so much!" I didn't even know what else to say. This was my reaction to being told "we want you" after so many times of hearing "we like you but you're not enough." 

I want to thank every single person who has been praying for me to get away from my current situation and move toward something new. I am also going to ask that you keep praying for me, for a couple of reasons. The first is because I do still need more money- I'm going to be doing the same thing for the same hours and same pay, in a different place. So I am still on the lookout for maybe part time work, and I'm also going to be bidding on some Sunday hours at my new branch the next time that's open (sometime in March.) The pay is pretty great, and I can still go to church and be home for dinner, since the branch is only open 4 hours. That's a pretty sweet deal, I think, and would help out with the bills while eliminating the strain from working two different jobs. But I'm also asking for prayer because I have literally never worked anywhere else other than the place I'm leaving. I started just after my 17th birthday (had my interview when I was still 16!) I had just finished my junior year of high school. Such a huge portion of what I believe to be my identity is linked to this place, this building. I've never known anything else. I'm going to a branch where I don't know anyone (though my in-laws are patrons there, and I'll probably see more people from my church, since it's in the same neighborhood.) It'll just be different. Please pray for me to adjust to this transition smoothly and awesomely. 

I still kind of can't believe that starting on Monday, I won't really be working the same job. The title's the same, but...it's not the same. But I am overdue for a change. So, so overdue. It wouldn't even be accurate to say that I am a different person than I was when I started doing what I do now. I feel like I've been three different people, I have been there so stinking long. But I really am looking forward to seeing what's in store for me, what it will be like to have a fresh start. 

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, it's time to CELEBRATE! Because I'm so HAPPY! Happier than I have been in such a long time!!

Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm FREE AT LAST. 

"That's all she needs to know."

So this thing happened five years ago today. I put on the most expensive piece of clothing I have ever purchased, stood up in front of a bunch of people I feel I didn't get to properly visit with, and got married.

I have been thinking about this anniversary for quite a while. I wanted to write something about it, because writing is how I express myself, and since I spend most of my time by myself, it helps keep me sane, too (I don't care how antisocial you think you are, sometimes you need to talk.) I thought about doing something wise (ha) like "five things I have learned in five years of marriage," but I don't think I could come up with them. It's not to say that I haven't learned five things, but rather I'm not sure I could articulate five things. Or three. Or even two.

I feel kind of weird not offering up some sage post filled with Bible verses and unsolicited advice. I feel like that's what people would expect from a blog post about a "milestone" anniversary. Maybe I'm not doing that because I know too many people that are hurting, whose marriages didn't turn out how they had anticipated, or didn't turn out at all. Maybe because I'm not really sure I have anything helpful to say. Maybe because that's just not my style (the big, flowery pedestal posts, not the being helpful thing.) So instead of my original plan, which was to advise people about something I have to work hard at every day, I thought I'd do something that I'm sort of good at: tell stories. I present to you, the story of my wedding as I remember it. Glean from it what you will.

Once upon a time, I was extremely nervous. Unless you just arrived at this blog for the very first time within the past hour, you may have picked up on the fact that I am a very nervous person. I have an anxiety disorder, as a matter of fact. Panic attacks are a thing for me. And anxiety is often triggered by change. Can you think of a much bigger change than going from living with your parents and brother and having a boyfriend you see several times a week, to leaving your family and the home you've known for 17 years to live in a brand new apartment with a brand new husband? Ha! I started having more frequent panic attacks a few months before the wedding because I knew things would be changing (not because my husband-to-be made me nervous!) Now, I have learned to cope with my anxiety pretty well, and am able to get myself to do what needs to be done, even in the face of panic. But even though I can get through a situation when it's showtime, for lack of a better term, I can have some pretty intense stage fright the night before. I starred in my senior play in high school, despite never having acted before, and did perfectly well on production days and while on stage, but I FREAKED out the night before, and decided I didn't want to do it. I did it anyway, but I was a big ball of panic for the final dress rehearsal. It was the same way with my wedding. I have no recollection of anything that happened at the rehearsal, except that I wore a nice dress and Brandon wore a t-shirt. I do not remember practicing walking down the aisle, but I remember pinching myself (a panic habit) and chewing crushed ice and having to remind myself to breathe. And after the rehearsal, we had the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant I usually enjoy. I did not enjoy it this night. I spent most of the time in the bathroom, having waves and waves of panic attacks. I thought several times, I don't want to do this. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband to be, but I did not want to actually experience the wedding day. I was completely willing to fast-forward through it and get right to the marriage part, if time travel was an option. Toward the end of the night, I was able to actually sit at a table at the restaurant and have broken conversations with my friends. But I couldn't eat or think clearly or enjoy myself at all. I'm thankful that I have supportive parents and encouraging friends and a stoic partner who keep me grounded and don't treat me like a freak when I'm struggling like this.

And the next day, I got up, felt pretty serene, went online to watch a video on Youtube, which I had planned to do basically my whole life (before I knew about Youtube, I was going to watch it on VHS.) The musical segment "Somebody's Getting Married" from Muppets Take Manhattan. That was my internal soundtrack for the entire day. I went to the salon with my mom to have my hair and makeup done. It is the only time anyone else has put make-up on me (a professional, anyway) and she shrieked toward the end of our appointment because she realized she had never put any foundation or powder on my face, because I didn't need it. And clear ivory skin is literally the one physical attribute I have going for me, so I am allowed to tell that part of the story without you thinking I am bragging, thank you very much. I felt happy and pretty as we drove to the church and made it inside, and I pulled my pretty princess dress on over my pajama shorts (not even kidding- you do not need fancy undergarments under a wedding dress) and chilled out in the dressing room while my "attendants" (two bridesmaids and a maid of honor) sat with me and ate from the chicken nugget tray my parents had purchased. And we did some pictures in the church lobby (the Christmas decorations were still up!) and then went back into hiding until time for the ceremony to start.

I remember waiting outside the chapel with my dad, who was sick that day, and I remember my entrance music cut off a little early because everyone was waiting at the altar area for entirely too long. We played orchestral music from the Lord of the Rings soundtracks as our guests were being seated, and the grandparents and parents were seated to a popular piece by Yo-Yo Ma (which some relatives swore later was actually Ave Maria, but I assure you it was not. I knew it as "the song from that credit card commercial, and also the one episode of 'The West Wing.'") And then, for my turn to walk down the aisle, we played a piano arrangement of "Your Song" by Elton John, which was from the second volume of the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (one of my favorite musicals, and that was the only good song on the second CD.) Upon arriving at the end of the aisle, I turned to my dad and gave him a fist bump, because he was sick but also because my family is not made up of "huggy people" (not everyone is!) And everyone laughed, which was good. And a pastor friend of ours, who used to work with my mom and has known me since I was very small, prayed for us, and then we had the ceremony. And once again, our lack of musical preparation made an appearance, because we had to cut the communion song short ("Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham, in case you were wondering.) And some more words were said, and we kissed, and then we got to stop standing in front of everyone. We left the chapel to the music from the throne room scene at the end of Star Wars, because we are nerds.

After the ceremony, we were not allowed to go eat, which I was very ready to do (I knew that eating before the ceremony would be a mistake, so I just looked at the chicken nugget tray instead of partaking in it.) We had to take pictures. My family is made up of several people (including longtime family friends.) My husband's family is made up of many, many more people. For our "formal" portraits with family, attendants, officiants, and everyone else who might have been in the building, not a single shot is perfect because not only was the photographer taking pictures, but so was everyone else who happened to have a camera. The photographer had to ask several times for people to stop, you know, talking to us while she was trying to work, but I'm not so sure anyone heard. Or cared. Everyone was happy and excited and wanted to use their cameras, after all. Then Brandon and I had to take a few more pictures by ourselves, and we were allowed to go eat. Yay!

Weddings are all right, but receptions are my favorite part. We did not have any dancing at our reception, because that is not Brandon's thing, so it worked well for us to just have the reception at the fellowship hall at church, where music was allowed, but dancing was not. I don't care about receptions because of the party atmosphere, I care because of the food. I love reception food. I could never have a full meal served at my wedding because then there would be no place for tiny sandwiches or itsy bitsy meatballs on sticks. And I totally admit to judging the weddings of family and friends based on whether or not they have tiny sandwiches and other petite foods. By the time we got down there, all the meatballs were gone, but there was some other stuff left- including pinwheels (tiny circular sandwiches), which I considered the star of the show. The cake was just an expensive, edible centerpiece. Everyone clapped and was happy when we arrived, and we then spent the next hour and something walking around saying hi to everyone. Still no eating! We passed by the food, and thought about the food, but we had people to see. Everyone wanted to get home.

Why did everyone want to get home, you ask? Was it because we were silly enough to have our wedding on January 2, and everyone was cold and wanted to return to their warm, cozy homes? No. It is because well after we chose our wedding date, the National College Athletic Association announced that the University of Kentucky would be playing the University of Louisville in basketball that day. If you don't understand what a big deal that is where I live, I am not going to take the time to explain it. I will just say that two years ago, when Louisville played the good team in the final four, all eyes of the national news networks were on us. And they were not disappointed. Two elderly men got in a fistfight at a barbershop, and that made its way to the CNN homepage. Couches were burned in the streets. We are interesting when it comes to college sports. It's inescapable. So much so that several good friends (ahem) who had RSVP'd to our wedding were suspiciously absent during the ceremony- and more were missing from the reception. I know what they were up to because a.) I'm not stupid, and b.) after the reception, while Brandon was listening to the end of the game, I was on facebook reading the status updates from said friends who were quite obviously watching the game.

So many nice and lovely people came to our wedding though, and I really enjoyed talking to them all at the reception. Our photographer had to leave by a certain time, so she took our rings and did some pretty shots around the room while we visited with folks. In the last 30 minutes that we had the room, we finally were able to sit at the beautifully appointed head table that had been prepared for the wedding party, which basically went untouched until it was time to break it down. We scarfed down some food (I think that was post cake-cutting!) and took home some leftovers for dinner. And speaking of cake-cutting, we didn't practice that either, so when we actually got up there, we really didn't know what to do- except I knew that the knife had to make its way into the cake, so I kind of took over. We didn't botch it too badly, I guess.

The last few things I remember about the day were lots of hugs from family, the last ones to leave, and throwing on my old leather jacket (what passed for a winter coat at the time) over my princess dress, and venturing out into the main lobby of the church just as people were beginning to arrive for Saturday night services. And someone stopped us to say congratulations and tell me I looked pretty, even though I felt the tiniest bit dumb wearing that jacket over my dress. A more coordinated and financially blessed bride would have probably rented some kind of pretty winter cloak, or something. I don't know.

And I squeezed my big dress into my new husband's comparatively tiny '96 Corrolla, and off we went into the sunset. And on to Disney World the next day.

I hope you've enjoyed my rambling reminiscence. The wedding was fun. If you're reading this, we're probably friends now, and I wish you could have been there. I owe you some tiny sandwiches sometime. : )

Please indulge me for a few moments longer as I share some of the pictures from the most important day of my life so far.

When I had my trial run for my hair, the stylist asked if I wanted glitter hairspray. What a stupid question. We need glitter hairspray every day. 

This was the second dress that I tried on, and the first dress that I tried on that wasn't a cheap tulle concoction from a skeevy prom shop. 

My handsome husband. He looks so young! And this was one of the last pictures ever taken of him willingly. 

My lovely in-laws. From left to right: Stephen, hubs, Mark, Denise, Anthony, and Jonathan. All of the boys are about three feet taller now. Well, Jonathan is taller than Denise, but Stephen is probably taller than Anthony, and I think Jonathan will be the tallest of all. Seven feet, minimum. 

I don't remember posing for this, but I don't remember being weirded out about the photographer lying on the floor, taking pictures of my feet, either. It was all a blur. 

From left to right: my maid of honor and best friend since 8th grade-ish, Kelli; my sister from another mister, Jess; and my cousin Melissa, with whom I grew up. I'm now going to tell you that she's a doctor, because it was a very hot topic when she got her PhD, and I enjoy teasing her about it from time to time. 

My beautiful momma, hiding very well the fact that she is trying not to cry. I picked out her outfit. And her hairstyle. 

Fist bump. And the crowd went wild. 

I like this picture because it is candid and I look very happy.

We are not much for PDA, but I really like this picture.

I think I was instructed to look at him with a lot of love. I was trying not to laugh. In a good way. 

One of two times my husband has worn a suit. He will be buried in basketball shorts and a high school gym t-shirt. 

I love this one even though I sometimes think the shadows make it look like I have hairy arms. 

I'm not exaggerating when I say that this is one of my favorite wedding photos. I didn't even ask for it. Kelly, our photographer, just borrowed our rings and went about her business without our knowledge.

This one is very plain and kind of stark, but I do want to point out that we had a snow-themed wedding. The bows on the pews were made of sparkly Christmas ribbon and hand-made by my dad. I wore a snowflake necklace and earrings from my grandmother,and she didn't know that I had purchased very similar looking snowflake necklaces for my bridesmaids in after-Christmas clearance the year before (we had a 2.5 year engagement!) And I found these embossed paper snowflake boxes online somewhere, and stayed up several nights putting them together and filling them each with three Hershey's kisses. 

This is another one of my favorites, and I have a printed copy in a snowflake frame somewhere in my house. Please don't ask me to find it. It would take a while. 

Brandon had no preference about the cake. We thought about getting dad to make it, because he has made a wedding cake before, but it was stressful and we decided it would be better to have a stranger do it, so they could stress about it. I just had a vision of a simple cake with polka dots of icing. The baker asked lots of questions about other stuff, but I just wanted dots. And I love how it turned out. Oh, and it was sturdy enough to support the rather heavy Precious Moments figurine on top. 

The cake table. 

This one looked neat. Those flowers were at the head table we didn't sit at. 

Groom's cake, obviously. "What do you want it to look like?" "Chocolate." The baker had UK and U of L designs in a binder in her shop. We made the right choice. 

If you click on the picture to enlarge it, you can see that the vase has a silhouette of Cinderella and Prince Charming. 

The serving pieces and toasting flutes had Cinderella's carriage carved in them. I have no idea why we *needed* the toasting flutes, since I was pretty sure we weren't going to have a toast (and no one in my family drinks anything stronger than Mt. Dew) but there they are. And now they're in my china cabinet. 

And they lived happily ever after. Or they're working on it, anyway. : ) 

Holly Jolly

I was looking for a photo on my old blog and ran across these questions on a Christmas post. What better way to kick off a new month than with a fun little survey? Blogging friends, feel free to borrow these questions as a writing prompt- I'd love to hear about your holiday traditions, too! : )

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I use both. Bags are usually cuter, and easier to deal with, but they're not quite as fun as wrapping paper!


2. Real tree or Artificial? My tree is definitely fake. My aunt and my grandparents always have real trees, but for 99% of my life, we've done fake. And now that I have my own home, I will always do fake because of all the scary stories of real ones catching on fire!


3. When do you put up the tree? My family used to put it up early. Brandon doesn't really care. He is not as into Christmas as I am. I would be happy putting it up the day after Thanksgiving, but I try to aim for December 1. And I have my dad come over and help me do it, because he is good at Christmas and, as I said, Brandon really doesn't care one way or the other!


4. Favorite gift received as a child? I can't choose just one! Though some of my favorites that I can remember were probably dolls- I know I got an American Girl Bitty Baby doll for Christmas one year, and I also had the Kirsten doll from AG as well (but I can't recall if that was Christmas or a birthday gift.) My family as a whole tries really hard to get gifts that the recipient will really care about, so every year actually IS special.


5. Hardest person to buy for? Grandparents, definitely. I do have a hard time shopping for people sometimes because I love giving gifts and I always find lots of things I want to give people, and my budget is embarrassingly tight when it comes to the holidays. So in a way, you could say everyone is the hardest to shop for because I have a hard time finding stuff that I'm happy with that fits in my budget!


6. Easiest person to buy for? Brandon. His Christmas list is just birthday list leftovers. And his birthday list is Christmas leftovers. Usually he just tells  me to order whatever Star Wars books have come out over the past six months, and I add a few surprises.


7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, just one. My mom has a bunch, though- she collects them and keeps some out all year round!


8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Anything that I ever got at a church youth group function, as no one in there liked me and I always got the crappy presents. We would have a gag gift game and someone would always bring just garbage, I think for the sole purpose of making sure I got it. Like burned out lightbulbs. Just trash. It hurt my feelings, actually.


9. Favorite Christmas Movie? I have several! For laughs, I like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Elf is pretty good, too. For warm fuzzy nostalgia, I like the Muppet Christmas Carol, a Muppet Family Christmas, and the John Denver Muppet Christmas special (which I do not own on DVD because it's out of print and EXPENSIVE.)

10. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Fried oysters and cream puffs. My grandmother only makes fried oysters for Christmas. They're soooooo good. And she makes cream puffs- homemade pastry filled with vanilla custard and drizzled with chocolate sauce. But these aren't the little profiteroles you might see some places. These suckers are as big as your hand. Sometimes bigger.


11. Lights on the tree? I like the fat, colorful bulbs my grandparents use. My tree is pre-lit. I can't imagine a tree without lights.


12. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes. I think most people that celebrate Christmas and have been exposed to Christmas songs can.


13. Favorite ornament theme or color? We don't do themes. All of our ornaments are random, mostly from pop culture (Star Wars, super heroes, Hello Kitty.) And then we have some that belonged to my family when I was a kid, one from the year we got married, one from the year we bought a house, and a few others. Oh, and my friends and I do an ornament exchange every year, so I have those.


14. Favorite Christmas song? I can't pick just one. I have maybe four hundred Christmas songs on my computer! If I could pick an entire album, it would be "A Christmas Together" from John Denver and the Muppets.


15. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I have never been away from my family (and my hometown) at Christmas. Just about all of my family lives in Louisville, so we just travel around to everyone's houses. This has gotten exponentially more complicated since I got married. When I was a kid, we spent Christmas Eve with my great grandmother and my pappaw's family. Then Christmas morning at my house with my parents and maternal grandparents, lunch with my dad's family, and dinner at my aunt's. In between those last two, the family would come to our house to see our presents- and then we saw my cousin's presents when we went to my aunt's. Now we go to Brandon's maternal grandparents' on Christmas Eve. The last few years my parents have come over for breakfast (since we bought the house) and my grandparents come over when they can. Lunch is still at mammaw and pappaw's house, and directly after that we head over to see the extended Jones family. Then we go over to my aunt's, at least for a little while, because I like tradition (and the food we have at her house!) and finally, at the end of the day, Brandon's parents and brothers come over and we exchange gifts. It's exhausting!


16. What do you want for Christmas this year? This year, like every year, I ask for a few DVDs and books, and gift cards so Brandon and I can go out for our anniversary (or at least get carry-out.) I also try to ask for a few things that we need for the house that don't really fit into our budget, like a gift card for Lowe's, or something like that. We got a weed-eater last year or maybe the year before that. :)


17. Most memorable magical Christmas memory from adulthood? I wouldn't call it magical. I don't think our Christmases are magical, but they are warm and family filled and generally happy. But my most memorable Christmas memory from adulthood is definitely Christmas 2011. We were buying a house- we hadn't extended the rental agreement on our apartment because we were waiting to close, and at the last minute it turned out that there were some paperwork problems from the owner's before the people we were buying it from. Just some filing mistakes. But we were freaking out, and our realtor stepped in and saved the day and demanded that they got everything cleared up. So on December 23, we closed on our house, and we spent all of Christmas Eve moving in! We woke up early and my in-laws and my grandparents and uncle came over and helped us move everything. I stayed at the house with my mother in law and my youngest brother in law, taking care of the boxes, putting things away and stuff, while everyone else made three trips to move all the furniture and boxes over. My in-laws stayed until the afternoon to try to help put things away after everything was relocated, and then they left at about 3. My dad came by to help me set up the tree, so it would actually feel a bit like Christmas (we didn't put any decorations out at the apartment because we'd just have to pack them up again!) Two hours later, I dragged my sore and exhausted self out of the house with Brandon and we headed out to his grandparents' for Christmas Eve dinner. I could barely sit at the kitchen table, I was so sore! But I slept well that night, and the next morning my family brought over donuts and we had breakfast together and they got to see the house (my mom and my brother hadn't been able to come see it when we were looking at buying it!) So that crazy Christmas is definitely my most memorable one. It's hard to believe that we've been here for three years now!