Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I have a small and possibly premature announcement to make. I had planned on keeping it to myself for a little while longer while I tried to figure some stuff out, but I am too excited about it and too anxious for people to pray, so here goes.
Like pretty much all sponsors, I would love to visit my sponsor kids. Not only do I love them individually, but I am really passionate about helping kids around the world, whether it's improving living conditions, health, education, whatever. I have read about so many people who have taken international missions trips or even moved overseas, like Katie Davis, and thought "gosh, I'd love to do that, but I can't." Why can't I? Fear, I guess. I have always said "I don't travel." That's why I've never gone on a mission trip. I don't go anywhere, and I definitely don't go anywhere without my mom or my husband. I let fear get in the way too often. Fear of travel, fear of the cost, etc. And I also felt weird about the idea of spending money on a trip like that when I should be, according to my plan, putting money toward expanding our family through adoption.
I am beginning to realize, though, that I need to get over my fears, and get over my own timeline. I need to give myself over to God's calendar and forget about my own. We have made so many plans and set so many goals when it comes to adoption, and none of them work out. I know I'm supposed to be a mom, and an adoptive one at that, but maybe I am trying to cram God's plan for my life into my schedule. And it's just not working out.
Based on things that have been placed on my heart, books and scripture that have been brought to my attention, persistent dreams I have been having, and a host of other factors, I am thinking that now may be the time for me to boldly step out in faith and finally, for the first time in my life, go on one of those trips I have dreamed about. And I do mean "boldly stepping out in faith." I feel braver about traveling since I went to Pennsylvania a few weeks ago, which I'm sure doesn't make sense to most people, but that was a huge victory for me over my anxiety. It would also be a leap of faith financially. I have a plan for getting the money for the trip, but it's still a big deal.
After a particularly vivid dream early Monday morning, the first thing I did upon waking up was go online and look at the list of trips Compassion has coming up. I was disappointed to see that no trips to Indonesia are currently open for registration, but there was one for Tanzania scheduled for March, and I thought "well, that will work." But something still didn't feel right about it. Later that night I went back online and looked at the website again, and saw something I missed the first time- a list on the side of the webpage for upcoming trips, including some that simply aren't open for registration yet. Do you know what I saw? Indonesia. And you know what was special about it? In the past, when I have seen Indonesia trips listed on the website, they haven't gone to the area where Tasya is. They generally stick to western Indonesia. But this trip is going to eastern Indonesia, including the "ID" area that Compassion works in. Tasya's project is ID 141. I have such a feeling of peace about all of this. It's really exciting.
So I have a prayer request for you. I want to spend a lot of time in prayer up until the time registration opens near the end of August, because while I know God wants me to go out into the world and meet with His children, I want to be sure that THIS is the trip He wants me to take, that this is the right time, and all that. I'm not even praying about the financing yet. I just want to know that this is what I'm meant to do, and it's not just another example of me getting excited about something that isn't meant to be...again.
I would really appreciate your prayers for me over the next few weeks, for wisdom and discernment and good decision-making. For clarity, definitely. For sureness of direction and for me to clearly and distinctly hear what God is telling me. I would truly appreciate it. And hopefully I will have some good news to report in a few weeks. : )