Saturday, May 11, 2013

Ice cream and cake and cake.

Today was my birthday. I turned 25. I don't feel any different, and all year I've been 25 in my head, anyway, so it's not a huge difference. I feel kind of weird about this birthday. I am definitely not where I thought I'd be at 25. I thought about writing about this as a separate post for my Compassion blogging assignment for the month (it's about motherhood) but I really don't want to, so I'll touch on it very briefly here before moving on. If you haven't known me for long, you may not know that my number one goal in this life, my heart's greatest desire, is to be a mom- specifically, an adoptive mom. My husband and I had planned to start the adoption process internationally after we bought our house, and even started fundraising a little bit for it, but some things got in the way, like policy changes, financial issues, then medical issues, and finally the realization that God doesn't necessarily want us to adopt internationally at first. I now believe it's His will for us to expand our family through foster care adoption at first, and save the tremendous venture of international adoption (which I still believe is a calling) for later. Anyway. I never thought I would turn 25 and still not be a mom. Not even be in the process of becoming a mom. Twenty five is not old, but it's old to me (because it's the oldest I've ever been, I guess. Plus it's halfway to 50.) It doesn't really help that I currently have eight friends or family members that are either pregnant or have recently given birth. I'm happy for them, but being surrounded by babies and growing families is overwhelming at times- especially in the age of social media, where constant reminders of our childlessness are waved in my face every few minutes. And then there's the fact that Mother's Day is tomorrow, too. I kind of hate it when my birthday is the same weekend as Mother's Day. I love my mom, and my mother in law, and am happy to celebrate Mother's Day with them and my aunt and my grandparents, but I still feel a little sad inside because I'm not where I thought I would be. So this birthday has been a bit difficult for me this weekend. 

That being said, I really am thankful for everything that everyone has done for me this week, and the good times I have had. My friend Jess brought me really wonderful presents and an adorable, sparkly penguin birthday card. I got to see my three friends Kelli, Lauren, and Sarah on Friday at my grown-up birthday party (I didn't really have birthday parties as a kid, so since I've been earning a paycheck, I have my friends over for my birthday and we eat off fun paper plates and watch movies together. It makes me happy and it's one of two times all year that we can all get together.) My friend Kelli, who knows me so well, got me some stuff that really made me smile, like a hilarious t-shirt and really cool socks with sloths on them (we have a thing for sloths.) Today I spent the day with my mom, and we went and got Indian food (and then wondered aloud "why do we eat this stuff?" It was spicier than usual today- one of the reasons we only get it once a year, I guess!) and we watched Whose Line together until I headed home in the afternoon. This evening my parents came over to my house and brought dinner and my birthday presents (Duck Dynasty on DVD! That show amuses me greatly.) 

I guess the point of this post is to say that even though I have had some struggles this weekend, and probably will tomorrow as well, I really am thankful for everything that everyone has done to bring some bright, shiny spots to my week. I have great friends and family. I love you all very much. 


  1. Happy Birthday!! I can't say that I understand your struggles personally as I am 25 and have my first baby, but I have a dear friend who went through them. She was so sad about not having kids at 25, 26, 27 but just before her 29th birthday, God opened the doors for a domestic adoption! While we were sad at the years when she didn't have a child, the timing was beautiful because her adopted son and my son are 9 days apart in age. I'm writing this to share that I know that God has a beautiful plan for you! I love your heart to adopt. I would have loved to, but I don't think my husband will ever be allowed to. So it makes me so happy when I see people like you! Sorry this was so long, but I hope it encourages you. I will be praying for God to bless you guys with a child--in whatever way He sees best!

    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement, Hannah! They mean a lot!


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