Ow.

I am currently experiencing a lack of coping skills.

About a week and a half ago, the same day I discovered my rat Monster has a tumor in her belly, I chipped a tooth. Chipping a tooth is creepy, and I hate it. I hate all dental problems.  I have since I was little. Anyway, this wouldn't be a huge deal, except this tooth was already pretty badly damaged, covered in a huge filling from when I was in middle or high school, and the last time I went to the dentist, they said it was basically dying, but I didn't have to do anything about it yet. I broke the tooth next to it the week after Brandon and I got back from our honeymoon. We didn't have dental insurance at the time. Right after we got it, the following summer, I lost that tooth. I had to go to the dentist to have the root removed. It was a very scary and stressful experience. So I have a gap in my mouth, because I cant afford a dental implant or a bridge right now. But it's been ok because it's not a front tooth and it's not really noticeable. Anyway. This newly chipped tooth is right next to my missing tooth, and I have been really upset about it because I've been afraid I'll lose another tooth and everyone will notice and make fun of me.

My chipped tooth hasn't really hurt since it happened, until this Sunday. It hurt so bad it was driving me nuts (or so I thought at the time.) It hurt to eat. I started to take a lot of Tylenol and ibuprofen, which I hate because it upsets my stomach. But I had to do something to cope. I brushed my teeth a lot and used mouthwash and massaged my gums. The next day, my chipped tooth felt better, but I had apparently irritated my wisdom teeth. Yes, I still have them. I have had them for about 8 years. I have room for them, actually, and the dentist said I didn't have to have them taken out if I didn't want to. Well, they want out now. And I mean NOW. They have been torturing me since Monday. The pain is so bad at times it makes me want to throw up. I went to Target Monday morning to get some Orajel and as of about half an hour ago, I've used about half the tube. I even started taking my pain pills again (from my back surgery) which really makes me mad because I worked so hard and went through so much to get off those things. Withdrawal was awful and made me feel terrible. And now I am taking them again, and I can't stop, because the pain is so bad. Last night at Bible study I got a smoothie from the cafe. I ended up holding my smoothie on my jaw near the end of the night because it hurt so bad. At bedtime, I took two pain pills and fell asleep with an ice pack on my face. Three hours later, I woke up ready to scream. I switched out ice packs, took more medicine, put on more Orajel. I was so thankful that I got sleepy again right away and went back to bed...but I woke up again two hours after that. That was an hour ago. I actually thought earlier "I am ready to die." It hurts that badly. I have been crying. It is taking everything in me not to throw up. My face is a little swollen and I am just in so much pain....it is beyond insane. I can't think straight. I am practically hysterical at times.

I have an appointment with the oral surgeon at 10:30 and I'm not really sure I can make it until then, to be honest. It's that bad. Since I made my appointment Tuesday morning, I have been praying that the doctor can give me some shots or something to deaden the pain, and that he can get me in Thursday morning to take these stupid things out. I can't handle it anymore. My two spinal surgeries didn't hurt this much. It is literally the worst pain I have ever felt, and nothing I can do makes it feel better. I would really appreciate your prayers as I wait to see the doctor, and then wait for a solution. I am frustrated because I have been praying so much over the past few days, and I get those terrible feelings that God just does not care. If he did, why aren't my narcotic pain meds working? Why isn't anything working?  Why don't I feel better knowing that my  friends are praying for me? I just can't handle much more of this.