Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Good news!

A lot of people know I've been struggling lately. And by "struggling", I mean "severely depressed and experiencing a time of emotional upheaval." There's just too much going on and my spirit is out of balance. Things are looking up, though. Contrary to what my husband may believe, I am crying less. It's true! It's hard telling people you have issues with depression. It scares some people. Don't worry- I'm in no danger of hurting myself. My depression manifests itself as just overwhelming emotions. I hate stereotypes about women, because sexism is gross, but seriously- it's like really, really really bad PMS. Sorry if that's TMI, but it's true. There's a lot of crying involved, and overreacting. And if I stay in it long enough I get lonely and doubtful and worry about silly made-up stuff, like the thought I have had, at some random, sad times, that when people say they are praying for me, they really aren't. Stuff like that.

This stuff is going on because I just have so much stuff on my plate right now. You know, if life throws you one curve ball, or just a handful of difficult things to deal with, it's fine, and it's easier to cope. But sometimes it turns out that there are just too many heavy things weighing on your heart and soul, and it hurts and you have to lay your burdens down. Except they're glued to your body and a bit hard to shake off.

I do have a point to this post, I swear! And it's a pretty happy one. Really.

My point is this: since I have been getting better lately (even though I'm still struggling and still covet your prayers), I have been capable of searching for the good things in my day, and making an effort to focus on them. Like googling the contents of my brain and bookmarking some stuff to think about later. Does that sound weird? Probably. Oh well. It's my blog, I can sound weird if I want to.

And today, my mom gave me a new journal (sketchbook, really, but I will be using it for journaling and doodling) that says something about counting your blessings every day on the front. I've decided to use it as a sort of gratitude journal. Or even just a place to write down those little bright spots in my day, even if I'm not automatically thinking about being grateful for them. Here are some of the first things, written today:

  • Getting $10 for a bag of lame books at the used bookstore (every little bit helps when it comes to fundraising for my trip!) 
  • A friend at my mom's work giving me some money for the trip, which, at least on an individual basis, is definitely more profitable than the restaurant fundraiser we did last weekend
  • Getting to surprise my mom at work after the aforementioned trip to the used bookstore, which happens to be across the street
  • Having dinner with my parents and my husband at Shogun this evening. Free food is always good, and I like trying restaurants I've never been to before! I had some of my mom's sushi and a plate of teriyaki chicken (normally I would go meatless but the only appetizing stuff was deep fried, and I wasn't sure if I'd like the taste of that!)
  • Getting a bag of presents from my mom and dad. Dad spent his day shopping at flea markets and brought me some Webkinz (I have a bunch of these stuffed animals because they make toys of animals I like but no one else does, like sloths and walruses and red pandas!), plus my mom gave me a bunch of new journals and a bag of candy!
  • Having a day off from work
  • And last but most exciting....GETTING A NEW SPONSOR CHILD!
Now it's time for a story! 

On facebook, I have a photo album of kids waiting for sponsors. I will post a picture of a kid and include a short biography and a link to their page on Compassion's website, in the hopes of finding them sponsors. And every day, I go through the photo album, follow the links, and see if the kids have found sponsors. If they have, I'll delete them from the album. Two of my friends have found new sponsor kids this way! And it raises awareness about the kids waiting for sponsors. Anyway, since I found out I am going to Tanzania, I have only been posting Tanzanian kids in this album. I thought it would be cool if one of my friends found a sponsor child in Tanzania- then I could bring them a present when I visit! There is one little boy named Bonifas who has been waiting a looong time for a sponsor. I first posted him back in AUGUST, and he still hadn't found a sponsor.  He was on the "longest waiting" list, and it broke my heart to click his link every day and see that this happy boy still hadn't found a sponsor. I am always ready for a new correspondent kid, and would love to have more sponsor kids if I had the money (curse you student loans!!!) but I knew that if I could find the extra money in my budget, it probably needs to go toward my trip, or repaying the loan I will be taking out to cover the remaining balance (I know my God is a God of miracles, but I am also a realist and have doubts that I'll be able to raise $3,000 in the next 29 days.) Anyway. I really like Bonifas. He is just such a cutie. And tonight, when I was "weeding" the album to see if any of the kids had found sponsors (two had!) it made me sadder than usual that Bonifas was still waiting. I even emailed my mom about it. I told her how I just feel drawn to this kid, and if I had the money I'd take him on, even though I had decided a while back that if I ever got to pick another sponsor child, I'd either go with a girl in India, or a child in a country I don't have any sponsor experience with. He just...I don't know. He looks like he's looking at me. Me specifically. Not the camera. Not anyone else. Just me. And I figured she'd say we'd be praying for him to find a sponsor because in the last month or so, my mom has added THREE sponsor kids to her family (two with World Vision and one with Compassion- actually, the Karen from my previous post of waiting kids!) But she texted me and then called me (I missed the call) to say he's been taken care of. Mom snatched him up for me!!! She will be helping me out with the financial aspect of the sponsorship until I get my trip paid off and can work to take over that part (meaning I will be working on selling my crafts for basically forever), and I am seriously so excited and happy. Today, despite its happy parts, has been pretty tough. One of my pets is terminally ill and probably will not last through the weekend, and I'm really struggling with that, along with some other things. But gosh. Bonifas' smile can light up a room. I have loved this kid even before he was mine! And the super exciting part is that since he's in Tanzania, I will get to go see him in a few months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It might be a little weird having to divide my visiting time between him and Said. And I will definitely need to be a super suitcase packer since now I will also be bringing a backpack for Bonifas, as well as a tote bag for his family (the one that I have for Said's mama is gigantic and might have to be downsized just a teeny bit now.) But God will work everything out. I know he will. And it will be awesome. 


So there's some happy news for you. I still would really appreciate your  prayers as I work through things day to day. And please keep praying for my upcoming trip and all that it involves! But join me in rejoicing that very soon, Bonifas and his family will probably be getting a visit like this one. I hope there's singing and laughing. Not because I'm special, but because Bonifas is, and I love him. 


  1. I'm so glad that Bonifas was able to join your family! That happened to me recently with a child from another Org... I just couldn't get her off my mind, and my father decided to step in and sponsor her until such a time that I'm able to take over her sponsorship. That's how my beautiful Shakira joined my family.
    On another note, I really appreciate your honesty about your struggles with depression. I struggle with it too; being overwhelmed by the smallest things, the crying, the loneliness, the overreacting, all of it! I've recently made a couple of new friends who struggle with depression as well, so it's really helped me to have someone to sympathize with me. We form a sort of "support group" for each other. I'm glad things are looking up for you!

    1. My mom has added four sponsor kids (three through World Vision and one through Compassion) in the past month and a half, so I'm really going to have to shelter her from my posts about waiting kids! Haha! : )
      And you're welcome! I've come to realize over the years that I shouldn't be ashamed of my depression and anxiety, and if I talk about it, maybe I can help other people and encourage them!


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