"I wish you joy and happiness"

How do you say goodbye to a member of your family that you've never met?

On Tuesday, I logged into my Compassion account to send a quick response letter to one of my kids (Said), since I received a letter from him that morning. When I logged in, I noticed that Tae's picture was missing from my account- his info was still there, but there was a weird, grey avatar where his picture should have been. I thought it was a little weird, but went ahead and wrote my letter and went about my day.

A few hours later, I decided to post on Compassion's facebook page, asking if anyone else had experienced that anomaly. One person wrote back right away and said that it was probably just a glitch, and again, I tried to go about my day. Then I checked facebook on my phone on the way to Bible study, and saw that two more people had commented on my post. One of these people was the author of a very popular blog written by a Compassion advocate- the other one, I don't know who they are. But they both said I should call Compassion and check on things, as it sounded like Tae was no longer in the program. So that's what I did. And just as we were pulling into a parking spot at church, the nice lady on the other end of the line told me that a note had been added to my account that morning saying Tae was no longer participating in the child development program, and they should have more info in a few days.

Well, I was devastated. This weekend was hard enough already. Friday we lost Pig. Saturday and Sunday I got to spend time with family, which was great, but a very large portion of the hours-long conversations that took place revolved around babies: who's having babies, who's going to start having babies soon, who already has a baby, etc. I do not expect to be able to avoid listening to or participating in all conversation revolving around children until I have my own. That's stupid. I love kids. And I love my family. But for whatever reason, on Saturday, it just felt like too much. And then the same thing happened on Sunday. Monday was a nice break, but then, to find out that I would no longer be able to communicate with this boy who has become a true part of my family....it's heartbreaking. And hard to cope with.

I finally did hear from Compassion today. I say "finally" like I've been waiting for ages and ages- really it's been less than 48 hours. Anyway, I learned that Tae, who was spending the summer away from home working on a construction job with his dad, had decided to stay in the city and work, and that's why he dropped out of the program. It's sad for me, but the lady I spoke to said that he is actually earning "good wages", which is fantastic because the whole reason he was able to participate in the program in the first place was due to his living in extreme poverty. If Tae can start work now (which still is kind of bad since he's 14) and practice good spending and saving habits, maybe he can break out from this poverty and be able to provide a good life for his future family. This is really a blessing. But it's also incredibly sad. I will likely never hear from him again. I'm sure we will never meet, at least in this life. Compassion said I can send him one last letter, and they will be able to get it to him through their contacts at the child development center he was going to when he was living with his grandpa. That makes me feel better. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure regarding this letter. How am I supposed to say goodbye? I don't think I have room on my piece of paper to say all the things I want to tell him- how I thank God every day for him, how I pray for him and his family, how I pray for his schooling, and his future, and his health. How I will worry each time I hear about flooding or storms in Thailand for the rest of my life. How I would love to go to the dinosaur museum near where he lives, or attend the Songkran festival, both of which he has written about in his letters. I will miss his enthusiasm for sharing his life with me. When I wrote to him to tell him about my exciting first experience with Thai cuisine, he wanted to know EVERYTHING, from the name of the restaurant to whether or not I had tried the papaya salad, which he was certain they served, because apparently it's a big deal in Thailand. Tae's letters have always been detailed, inquisitive and thoughtful, and I will miss him terribly.


I did learn today that Compassion will allow me to be put on the waiting list to receive another correspondence sponsorship, for which I am extremely grateful (technically, I have the maximum number of correspondence sponsor kids.) I look forward to continuing to expand our "far-away family" in this way, but no one will ever take Tae's place.