Waiting and waiting.

I debated whether or not to share this information. If I did share, maybe some people could pray about it with me and that would be great. But if it didn't work out, I'd feel dumb and possibly embarrassed. If I didn't share, then I wouldn't have to explain myself if nothing came of it, but on the other hand, I wouldn't have the extra prayers about it and I think I really do need them. So I've decided to share.

I applied for a different job yesterday.

A few times every year, I get tired of my job (doesn't everyone?) But my dissatisfaction can usually be traced back to a specific person or event, and I am able to work my way through it. Plus I've never really been interested in working anywhere other than the library. Now, though, discouragement seems here to stay. I feel frustrated and stuck. I feel like my coworkers and I don't mesh as well as we used to (we've had several new employees start working with us and several people have left- it's not really anything personal against one person, things just don't click like they used to.) This time, I can't pick one thing to focus on improving about my situation- I am already working my tail off trying to keep from going absolutely crazy in the first place.

Anyway, about a month ago I was puttering around the interwebs, looking for a job for Brandon, and I stumbled upon a full time secretarial position in the international outreach office of my former church. If you know me at all, you know I care about people in other countries (especially kids) and I'm frequently looking for ways to help. I have three child sponsorships through Compassion International, I put together as many shoeboxes as I possibly can every holiday season, and I like to support fair trade organizations like Global Girlfriend, which work to pay women in other countries what they deserve to be paid for the goods they produce. At one point in my life I wanted to travel on one of the Mercy Ships and take other journeys overseas to help people. Because of lack of funds and this pesky anxiety disorder of mine, I have all but ruled out that future for myself. But I digress. I can do secretarial work- I already do it at my current job. And a job that I can do in a field that I love? Sounds exciting!

But I was too chicken to apply. I decided to stay in my comfort zone and languish at the library (sounds sad, doesn't it?) Almost every day since I saw that job, I thought back on it, wishing things could be different and I had the guts to send in an application.

I was up late Tuesday night not feeling well, and on a whim, I went to the church's website again. And there was the job. It was still open. I was shocked! I guess I'm used to the city government's employment page (library jobs are never posted for long.) The next morning, I got up, wrote a resume (the one I had when I applied for my current job is long gone- I only made it for an assignment in high school, and I don't think my employer even looked at it when I was hired), pored over the application, got in touch with some potential references, and submitted my application at about 6 pm yesterday.

Hence the name of this post.

I have no idea if I'll get this job. I don't think I would have felt so compelled to revisit the site if God didn't at least want me to take a shot at it. I'm hopeful and I'm desperately trying to be patient. From the moment I hit the "submit" button, I've worried that I made a mistake in my resume or had a typo in the application. I've worried I said something dumb on one of the questions they asked. Worrying is what I do. But I would really appreciate some prayers on this, that I am doing what God wants me to do instead of what I want to do, and that I will be calm and patient as I wait to hear back about this opportunity (if I hear about it at all- and I really hope I do!)