The "H" word.

Just a quick note: this post is not about a specific person, but rather a general attitude among both people I know, and people I don't. In no way am I calling out any individuals in my life. However, if you read this and feel that I am addressing you specifically, perhaps it would be good to prayerfully consider if that is the Holy Spirit trying to bring a teachable moment. I myself have been convicted many times by things that aren't about me, but address things that I do. No judgment here, but it might be something to think about. 

I use the word "hate" a lot. Not as much as "love," but I still use it. And I think that people around me understand when I am using it as hyperbole, or joking around. Some things I claim to hate:

• Most current country music
• Crowds
• Circuses
• Going to work some days
• My laptop, when it is being a jerk
• James Franco and Ben Affleck

I don't think that people take me seriously when I talk about hating things, because I'm usually making a joke out of it. And there are some things or people that I genuinely and sincerely dislike (James Franco makes my skin crawl.) But hate? Hate is a heavy word. I think that hate leads to pain and violence and ugliness. Hate can lead people to do stupid things, particularly if they find other people who hate the same things. Hate led church-going, (usually) kindly southern people to victimize and beat and lynch people within the last century simply because of the color of their skin. Hate leads extremists in certain areas of the Middle East to bomb schools and throw acid on school girls. Hate is ugly. It is blind. It doesn't see reason. If hate leads someone to say or do or believe something not based in fact, hate prevents that person from seeing the error of their ways or admitting fault when confronted with the truth. 

I've been seeing a lot of hate lately. It comes from spending too much time on the internet. People say things from behind the security of keyboards and electronic devices that they wouldn't have the courage to say in real life. I started really noticing this a few years ago when a former classmate of mine posted an incredibly tasteless and cruel joke about a troubled singer who died. The singer had struggled with addiction in the past, and many people made jokes about her passing (though she was clean at the time of her death.) Not all of those people claimed to be Christians, though. There was a huge disconnect between the claims that this young man made about himself- that he was a lover and follower of Christ- and the ugly words that poured forth from his social media accounts. When more than one person pointed out how inappropriate this was, particularly from someone who is so vocal about his alleged faith, he began saying incredibly insensitive and false things about people who suffer from addiction, essentially saying that "they deserve what they get" and that the planet may be better off if they are dead. At this point, I decided to speak up. I sent him a private message stating that another one of his classmates had recently lost his brother to an overdose, and pointed out that he would probably never say those things about or in front of this family. So why should he say it about someone else, someone he didn't know personally? He seemed genuinely saddened by the passing of a relative of someone he was close to at one time, but not long after, he continued posting the same kinds of ugliness. And then I deleted him as a friend. 

Since then, I continue to be surrounded by more hate- from people I know and people I don't. In the past few weeks, I've seen comments from people saying that Dr. Brantly and others who participate in missions work "deserve what they get" for helping others overseas before helping their fellow Americans. Some even claimed that they hoped he would die. I've seen people wishing ill on the children who have been crossing over the Mexican border into the United States from Guatemala, El Salvador, Nicaragua and Honduras- innocent children who have only been sent by their parents in the hopes of escaping disease, starvation, child labor and exploitation, rape, gang violence and murder. I've seen people joke about gay members of the military getting shot in "friendly fire" incidents, assuming that the death of Don't Ask Don't Tell will lead to rampant unwanted advances and sexual assault. I've seen people joke about and claim to pray for the deaths of entire cultural groups and religions, rather than seeking lawful justice for individual perpetrators. I have seen people lash out at races and professions, painting everyone with the same brush, because of the events in Ferguson, Missouri- it seems that many of my acquaintances and other individuals on the internet have divided into two camps of rigid and unmoving stubbornness regarding the events in Missouri. That stubbornness is leading to some downright hateful talk, which alternates between "shoot all the cops, police are pigs" to "shoot all the suspects, if they were decent they wouldn't be suspects in the first place." There doesn't appear to be much room for middle ground or understanding. And then there's the hate directed toward individuals. Hate for the president. Hate for the former president. Hate for possible future presidents. Hate for a reporter. Hate for an actress. Hate for ex-husbands and wives, ex-girlfriends and boyfriends. Hate hate hate hate hate. 

Having feeling is natural. Feeling angry, upset, frustrated, disgusted, annoyed, hurt, devastated, disappointed, sad, betrayed, fed-up, ticked off....all natural, and ok to experience- as long as we don't let them consume us. And that's where hate comes in. Hate comes from those emotions when we have given in to them, rather than giving them over to God. There is no way to reconcile harboring hate and calling yourself a Christian. Most of us have heard the Bible verse that says a servant cannot have two masters. In context, it refers to loving God and loving money. You can't do both because one drowns out the other, and it's not ok to let anything drown out your love for God. But the concept applies here, as well. We are specifically commanded not to hate. We are told to do the opposite. If you choose to hate, or work to convince yourself that "some hate" is acceptable to God, then you are saying you know best. You know better than Jesus. Your plan is better than his. You don't have to do everything he says. You don't have to follow his example. 

And if that's the case, then I have a question: why bother calling yourself a Christian? 

In no way am I claiming to be perfect here. I may have an excessive amount of empathy in my heart (enough that it causes me problems sometimes) but I still get angry. I get overly frustrated. Many would say that I hold a lot of grudges, because I remember so many slights and offenses and hurts. Part of that last bit is the way my brain is wired, but I know that I could work harder at learning to let go of those memories by going to counseling or working on other ways of conquering my obsessive-compulsive disorder (emphasis on "obsessive.") I don't have to work super hard to not hate, because I get sad when faced with the idea of hurting other people, or even thinking of hurting someone's feelings, but that doesn't mean that I don't struggle in other ways, too. I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to shed some light.

You can't hate and expect to not have consequences.

You can't hate and claim to love Jesus. 

You can't hate and call yourself a Christian. 

Not everyone is hateful all the time. Some people justify their hate by saying things that in some cases may contain a kernel of truth; for example, being upset with someone who has hurt us deeply can often lead to anger, then what we think is justifiable hatred. But again, we mustn't let our negative feelings turn into hate, which is diametrically opposed to the Gospel. 

If someone points out to you, in the interest of accountability and genuine concern for your heart, that some of your speech or actions seem hateful, I would recommend taking a moment to consider their words before lashing out at them in defense of yourself. Sometimes, if we keep hate around long enough, we lose sight of the line between normal, human feelings, and the sin of hatred. One good litmus test to judge whether you are coming from a "good" place (heartbreak, normal human emotion, righteous indignation) or a "bad" place (hatred, vitriol, spite) is if you are talking about violence. Violence is always, always a red flag, whether you are serious or not. Jesus was- and is- the Prince of Peace. The only time he physically acted out was when he overturned tables in the temple, because the money changers and other greedy people were desecrating his Father's house. He never lashed out, kicked, hit, poked, prodded, or smote anyone. He didn't even really talk about it. And, interestingly enough, he didn't want anyone else doing it on his behalf, either. It seems trite to recite "vengeance is mine, says the Lord", but it's true. In the garden of Gethsemane, when the soldiers came to arrest him on trumped up charges, and he was betrayed by one of his closest friends, Jesus didn't even allow Peter to use the sword to defend him! So we really can't say that God would probably be fine with us meting out "justice" on his behalf. God asked, in very specific instances in the Old Testament, for very specific individuals to do this under very specific circumstances at very specific times. And then came Jesus. And Jesus told us not to worry about that. 

He told us to turn the other cheek. 

He told us to pray for our enemies, and explicitly said not to hate them. 

He told us to give to people who treat us unfairly. 

He told us to go above and beyond what is asked of us, rather than complaining about it or plotting our revenge. 

We, as Christians, are to follow in the footsteps of Christ. We can open the Bible- a gift from God, filled with his direct words and those given to others by him- and read, over and over again, that hate is not what God desires for believers. We are to be peace-makers, not revenge-seekers. We are to feed our enemy when he is hungry and overcome evil with good, not repay evil with evil (or violence.) We are to tame our tongues and only use our voices for building up, not tearing down. We are to love everyone. That is how people will recognize that we know and love Jesus. So please, if you choose to hate, don't pretend that it's somehow OK with God. Don't do it while advertising your Christianity. Don't do it around people who know you go to church but don't know Jesus themselves. 

I've made a new goal. I'm going to try to stop saying that I hate things (and people- you win this time, Franco.) I hope to at least drastically reduce the number of times I use the word. I hope you'll join me, too.

31 Other Ways

Before reading on, please note that these are my personal views on a particular subject, and in no way am I trying to pass judgment on any individuals or businesses. I'm just taking a moment to explain my take on things, and hopefully, provide some helpful insight.

Recently I got an invitation on facebook to participate in a fundraiser. With my own fundraiser going on right  now to raise money for my trip, I'm pretty strapped for cash. However, the beneficiaries of this fundraiser caught my eye: street children in Africa. So I decided to investigate.

I don't really know the person who sent me the invitation, other than she sells items from a catalog business as a way to help support her family, and, I assume, be a stay at home mom. This company caters almost exclusively to women, and they make bags. And keychains, I think. To be truthful, I find their products to be incredibly overpriced. I don't really care to pay more than $5 for a lunchbox, let alone $30 something, and no one has yet to convince me that these products are better than something I can get for myself at, say, Target. They're not fair trade, or don't have a catchy selling point, like items made by groups like Free Set or Market Haiti. They're just stuff. Overpriced stuff marketed to women, particularly moms, who like things to match and be made of pretty fabric and have monograms.

This individual was using her business to do this fundraiser for street children in Africa. I know that sometimes, the ladies who sell these items can do fundraising "parties", where a portion of sales during a specific time or using a specific code go toward a cause. This isn't the case here, though. At least, that's not what the fundraising page said. No, it appears that customers are being asked to pay $20 to purchase a drawstring bag from this company, and those bags will then be delivered to the children. That's it. Just a simple bag. A similar bag could be purchased at Walmart for just a few dollars, but because of the label on this particular bag (which was probably made by the same people in Bangladesh that make the bags for Walmart), it costs $20. And that's not money that's going to the children, or the ministry that is trying to help them. No. That's money that's going to the person hosting the fundraiser, and the company that gives her the method to sell the bags. Again, this is the way it was explained on her fundraising page (to paraphrase, "buy a bag for a street boy in this country") so I don't feel like I'm taking liberties with the truth here.

Those of you who know me would not be surprised to learn that I am very picky about the charitable contributions, for lack of a more applicable term, that I am willing to make. It's not out of stinginess- my bank statements, embarrassing though they may be in other ways, do not show a Scrooge-like attitude from myself and my husband. Rather, I want my money, or any goods I donate, to be used wisely and in a way that's helpful. For example, when I learned that Goodwill pays its disabled employees a tiny percentage of the minimum wage, because of loopholes, I stopped donating my household items to them. It's better for me to take a trip to a less convenient location, such as a local Christian mission that has a thrift store, because that place pays fair wages and treats its employees with dignity and respect.

I am choosing not to participate in this particular fundraiser because I don't think that buying a $20 drawstring bag is really doing much good for the kids who would eventually receive it. Would a drawstring bag be useful to a child living on the streets in a developing nation? Probably. But am I really being the best steward of my money by spending $20 on a single bag for one child? Would I really be acting in the best interest of the children I was trying to help? Probably not. In my personal opinion, it would be far more productive, and financially wise, to donate a portion of the proceeds of a sale period to the ministry that would be handing out the bags (or any other item), rather than spend a pretty crazy amount of money on one. Hey, maybe the ministry, which is located in the country in question, could use the money to purchase local bags for the kids, thus stimulating the local economy (and stretching their dollars further!)

Being invited to participate in this fundraiser got me thinking. I want to share with the lovely folks who read this blog my reasons for not donating (or "purchasing" might be a more accurate term.) I admire this individual for wanting to help, and I don't really blame those who do purchase bags from her to be sent to the kids. But I do need you to know- there is a better way to help. If you want to do good in the world, if you want to help a child living in poverty, if you want to support a ministry that is trying to make the world a better place, purchasing an overpriced ditty bag and then handing it off to someone who is not only living in abject poverty, but is homeless, is just not the way to do it. I need you to understand what else that $20 could be doing. For one thing, it really could help the ministry that is trying to make a positive impact in that city and country. In the country in question, the highest denomination of paper money is only worth about $6 and chance in US dollars. The ministry could use that money for supplies, outreach, or even employing a local person. You couldn't even buy dinner for two at an inexpensive sit-down restaurant for $20 here in the US- but in an area where families, when they are able to find employment as farmers and sellers in the market, make an average of $7 a month? You could feed a family of four for a few weeks!

I had the idea to reach out to the Compassion sponsor community and ask them what their kids have been able to buy with the small financial gifts they send, just for some perspective. In case you are unfamiliar with the way financial gifts work, sponsors have the opportunity to send money to their kids for birthdays, Christmas, or any other occasion. They can also send family gifts as well. Staff members who know the kids and their families help them decide what to purchase with the money that arrives- it stimulates the local economy and ensures that they receive exactly what they need (or want, as is often the case with birthday gifts.) There are limitations on how much can be sent annually, to make things a little more fair, and also to protect the families who may live in a more dangerous area. Anyway, I asked several sponsors to give me some examples of things their kids had been able to get with small financial gifts- usually between $10 and $30. I've included a few examples from my own sponsor kids, too. You'll find them below, in a piece I'd like to call....

31 Other Ways to Help

1. $20 bought bedsheets, sugar, rice, school uniforms, and new shoes for a family in Tanzania
2. $10 bought shoes, socks, pants and a shirt for a child in India
3. $10 bought new shoes for a child in Bolivia
4. And another $10 bought new pants and a shirt
5. $10 bought a shirt, three pairs of socks and underwear for a child in Guatemala
6. $25 bought pants, three shirts, underwear and socks for another Guatemalan child
7. $10 bought a new outfit for a child in the Philippines
8. $10 bought a shirt and a skirt for a little girl in Ghana
9. $10 bought a shirt, underwear, and socks for a child in Nicaragua
10. $10 bought a goat for a family in Haiti
11. $25 bought new clothes for a girl in India, who made a point to say that without this birthday gift each year, she couldn't get "pretty dresses"
12. $15 got a sweater, school supplies, and a treat of cookies for a girl in Ecuador
13. $20 bought a boy in India a study desk for his birthday
14. $20 bought a small pig for a family in Rwanda
15. $15 bought a mosquito net, clothes, and a lamp for a family in Bangladesh
16. $30 bought a sewing machine for a young woman in India
17. $20 bought a table and chairs for a family in India
18. $20 bought a backpack, new shoes and a school uniform for a child in Bolivia
19. $15 bought a child in Kenya a dress and a mattress
20. $25 bought a door and a window for a family in Rwanda
21. $10 bought a new shirt, new shoes, and a soccer ball for a child in Tanzania
22. $10 bought a uniform, books, and school supplies for a boy in Kenya
23. $10 bought crayons, a pencil sharpener, erasers, glue, pencils, notebooks, and stickers for a little boy in Mexico
24. $20 bought school shoes for a boy in Ecuador
25. $25 bought tennis shoes, an outfit, and a school bag for a boy in El Salvador
26. $10 bought clothes and rice for a girl in Indonesia
27. $10 bought a dress for a girl in Haiti
28. $40 bought new shoes, a shirt and jeans for a young lady in Bolivia
29. $34 bought two pairs of pants and two shirts for a boy in El Salvador
30. $15 bought a new school uniform and shoes for a girl in Thailand
31. $10 bought school books for a boy in Peru

If you're ever faced with an opportunity (or sales pitch) to "help" people in other countries by buying a product that will be sent to them, I hope that you will keep these examples in mind. We think we're doing a nice thing by spending our American dollars on a product from an American company, and sending it to someone else. But instead of thinking in American terms, where $20 would buy a birthday gift that would be considered relatively inexpensive and rather modest, try to get into the mindset of a Tanzanian, or a Peruvian, or an Indonesian, or whomever you are trying to help. Think about what that amount of money could do to improve their lives, rather than making the decision for them about what they "need." I'm not saying that Compassion is the only worthy organization to distribute gifts to children, I just wanted to use my experience with them (and the experience of others) to illustrate a point. If you take anything away from this post, I hope you will just try to be mindful in your giving, and maybe appreciate the value of a dollar a little more. 

Stop funding abuse. Please.

Six of my facebook friends took their kids or grandkids to the circus this weekend. We had a circus in town a few weeks ago (the Kosair Shrine Circus, performed by George Carden Circus International), but this weekend, it's the big one- Ringling Bros. I went to the circus a few times when I was a kid. I remember thinking it was OK, but I'd rather go to the zoo- the area where the performers and animals were was really far away. The only thing I saw up close was a clown, and that's no fun (sorry, clowns.) A few years ago I read a book about animals in the entertainment industry. I'm sorry to say that I don't remember what it was called, but I was intrigued by the things the book said about the circus. I decided to do some more research, and I was horrified by the things that I learned. I am not a radical animal rights activist. I am not one of those people that "liberates" lobsters from sea food restaurants or whatever. I'm not a vegan (I love cheese too much...) I don't have an agenda. I just have a problem with suffering. I don't like seeing people get hurt, or knowing that they're hurting. It's the same way with animals. I've had pets all my life, and I would never think to financially support a method of "entertainment" that hurts people or animals. I won't see a boxing match. I won't attend a dog fight. I won't pay to support something that hurts someone else.

Ringling Bros. has been repeatedly fined by the federal government for failure to provide adequate care for their animals. Circus elephants are trained by chaining babies to the ground, to teach them who's in charge. They are beaten, both as babies and as adults, with metal hooks on poles (called bullhooks), to force them to perform abnormal behaviors. Electric shock prods are also used. If you weighed several thousand pounds, and God designed you to walk on all fours, don't you think it would be painful to be forced to balance on two feet, or even one foot, just for applause? Circuses employ people to cover training wounds with makeup, but you can still see the marks on their thick hides. Elephants are hard-wired to roam. They travel miles and miles with their herd (a very tight-knit group) every day. In the circus, the only time they get to move around is when they're performing, or when they're confined to pens just outside the circus area. Then, when it's time to move on, they're crammed back into train cars and trailers, again in chains. Elephants are highly intelligent, emotional animals that form close bonds with their family members. Baby elephants are separated from their mothers (if they're wild caught, their mothers are almost always murdered) and spend their years traveling with a rotating group of animals. Wild elephants live twice as long as captive ones. An elephant in the wild can live to be 70 or 80 years old. A captive elephant is considered ancient if it reaches 50. And the animals used in circuses are not always passive about the abuse they suffer. They don't like being confined for our entertainment. That's not what they were meant to do. So sometimes they fight back. Sometimes elephants and other circus animals try to get away, injuring people in the process. They are almost always destroyed, sometimes violently (like with guns.)

I understand that many people are still unaware of what exactly goes into the training and handling of these animals. I know that if you're thinking about entertainment, maybe you're not immediately going to be aware of the fact that these animals travel around the country in cramped, filthy conditions, in trailers and trains that rarely have air conditioning or heat, that they are tied down and chained before being let out to suffer physical abuse in preparation for a show. That's why I try to tell as many people as I can about these facts. And that's what they are- facts. I'm sure that there are people who work for circuses that like animals, and that may love the animals involved like pets. But we aren't allowed to treat dogs and cats this way. In some areas, you can get fined for leaving a dog in a hot car. Mitt Romney took a lot of flak when it was revealed that his family improperly transported their pet dog on a vacation during the last presidential election cycle. And you can bet your bottom dollar that those pet training centers at PetSmart and other pet stores aren't using electric prods or bullhooks to teach your dogs better behavior. You could go to jail for treating a cat or a dog that way. And yet, hundreds of people are shelling out $38-$100 per ticket to go to the circus this weekend in my town. I don't get it. It makes my stomach hurt. It makes me cry. Every time the circus comes to town, I try to share at least some of this information with my friends on social media websites, and I do think it is making a small difference. Several people have told me that they were not aware of what goes on behind the scenes at animal circuses. But every time the circus comes to town, there are still people I know that take their kids to the circus. Many of these people have pets, some of which are very pampered. Why are some animals worthy of better treatment than others?

I think circuses are gross. They disgust me. And I truly think that, just like any other abuse of creation, they make God sad. Please stop going to circuses that use animal performers. There are plenty of good circuses that provide lots of entertainment with just people performers- who are, I might add, paid, free to see their families and friends, and avoid being bludgeoned with bullhooks.

Oh his way to the next show

How a circus elephant spends its free time in your lovely city

Training. Notice how the metal hook is embedded in this poor baby's thick skin.

Dragged to the ground, learning to be submissive

Video footage of Ringling Bros. trainers beating and whipping elephants before a show. They're just standing in the backstage area, waiting to go in, wearing their Ringling headdresses, and they are slapped around the body and in the face with leather riding crops and metal hooks. I realize that PETA does some pretty crazy stuff, and I would never offer a blanket endorsement of their organization, but the footage speaks for itself.