The waiting game.

The past week or so has been extremely...weird. Sometimes I want to say it's been really great. There's been birthday stuff. I got to go out to eat with family. I've had time off work (two weekends in a row!) My rats are all getting along, and I've made several sales from both my Etsy shop and my online bookstore (that's my most recent effort to raise a little extra money.) I got four letters from  my sponsor kids last week.

On the other hand, some things about the last week or so have been generally awful. One of our volunteers at the library passed away last week, which is of course very sad, and it gives me a strange feeling knowing that we won't be seeing her anymore (she and her husband would come in a few times a week, and have been a huge part of our library's history.) I've been dealing with my own intermittent emotional issues. Money is tight, which is annoying considering a trip out of town is coming up, and I gleaned some frustrating information this weekend. 

We will not, as it turns out, be turning in an application for an international adoption this summer. Or this year, actually. We recently learned that our country of choice, while very accepting of young couples or couples who haven't been married for very long (unusual among nations that allow international adoptions), they apparently are quite strict when it comes to certain issues that may be in the prospective parents' medical histories. Issues that are in my medical history (and my life right now, as a matter of fact) and will continue to be issues that I have to deal with for, well, forever. We have been advised that it might be better for us to consider adopting from another country, because these "issues" would apparently cripple our chances of being permitted to adopt from this country. 

So, what now? Well, we are looking into other possibilities. Two countries are top contenders at the moment- primarily because either we know people who have adopted from there, or because there are enough successful cases of adoption through reputable agencies that we feel comfortable considering them. Obviously I'm not very far into my research yet, but at least in the areas of our finances and our medical history, it looks like one of these two countries could work out. 

The downer is that there is a higher age limit for adopting parents imposed by these countries. This means we would have to wait a little longer to get the ball rolling. Granted, some agencies would probably allow us to turn in an application sooner (as opposed to a year down the road, when we will both be old enough to be approved by these countries), but I kind of don't see the point. Why would I want to pay to have some paperwork turned in, then have to wait months and months for the process to actually get moving? Who knows what could happen in those months? The country could close to international adoptions. There could be government upheaval or who knows what else. Then we would have dropped a considerable (for us, anyway) amount of money on something that isn't going anywhere, creating even MORE delays on our quest to grow our family. So, it seems the wisest thing for us to do right now is to wait. We will research these two countries we have in mind, and pray (a lot.) I will continue raising money by selling my crafts and trying to be frugal. The thing that is keeping me the slightest bit upbeat at this point is the thought that this just means more time to earn money to bring our child (or children) home. More time to pay off debt. More time for Brandon to find another career. 

More time that my extra bedroom sits empty. 

More time to watch friends' children grow. 

More time for the proverbial hole in my heart to grow bigger. 

More time to pray about all this.

And that's all I feel like saying for now. That's all I'm going to say for a long while. I will go back to quietly making my coasters and flower pens, dropping coins in my globe-shaped bank, and waiting.