The First Decade

Today is a pretty good day to get back into the swing of my gratitude challenge.

Ten years ago, I was a very different person.

I had just finished my junior year of high school. I had long, black hair. I wore four-inch platform heels and knee socks with bows and too much eye makeup (well, that last part hasn't changed that much.) I stayed up until 4 in the morning and ate like a starving artist, living on coffee and cheese sandwiches from sun up to sun down.  I had just had a "friendship breakup" with someone who had become very close to me and was feeling a little lost. I didn't know Jess or Zach or Hannah or any of these other lovely people that have come into my life since then. Brandon wasn't even on my radar. I spent the first days of my summer break sleeping as late as possible and devoted the hours that followed to absorbing as many books and as much cable TV as I could. It was the age of AIM and screen names and no facebook (for high schoolers, anyway) and only texting every once in a while, because text messages cost money and most of us didn't have any sort of allowance for that on our parents' cell phone plans.

And ten years ago today was the very first day of my very first job. On June 20, 2005, I started working at the library.

A lot has changed since then. Not just in my personal life, in a lot of ways. Brandon and I eventually got together. I graduated high school went to college for a while, got married, had a few surgeries, lived without my parents for the first time, bought a house, got diagnosed with a few random things, went to Africa once and Disney World five times. Career-wise, I took a promotion after a year of work, had three different managers, had the rug pulled out from under me, and got reminded that, even though I'm not in 7th grade anymore, people can still be bullies and the world is not a fair place. I transferred to another place and now I am so, so happy. Still neurotic and anxious and stressed (I think those are part of my DNA), but happy (with work, anyway.) I have wonderful new friends. My work load is lighter, because I have a good and fair manager and sane coworkers. I have fun at work. I think people appreciate having me around- at least I keep them entertained. I feel welcome and wanted, and that's amazing. Even though I want to make more money by working a full-time job, I'm glad that I was able to move to a safer location, rather than leaving the library completely, because libraries have always been so important to me. Reading is a big deal in my family, and I've been a faithful patron since kindergarten. I love libraries and I'm lucky I get to work somewhere I love.

Ten years working in one place. Sometimes I feel weird about it- like, if I run into someone I haven't seen in a long time, it feels strange to say "I'm still at the library," like I should be embarrassed about it. A lot of people would be unhappy with themselves, working at the same place they've worked since high school. And I do struggle with it sometimes (I wouldn't mind as much if my debt was paid off and the rest of my life was like I want it to be.) But I've got it pretty good. I'm guaranteed the same number of hours every week. I don't have to worry about being downsized or let go for arbitrary reasons, because of the way my job is structured and the protections that are in place. My hourly pay is pretty good, for the skill level and education requirements. And it's hard to find part-time customer service jobs with benefits like mine. I was the only person in my senior class in high school that had paid vacation sick time, and government holidays. That's a sweet deal. And I get to have fun at work, not just with my coworkers. I get to know families I care about. I get to talk about books and share my experiences with others. My favorite part is talking to the kids, because we have a lot in common and they think I'm pretty cool because of that.

So I'm grateful for my job. I'm grateful that it helps me pay the bills. I'm grateful it's stable and steady, and I'm grateful for the good things it's brought to my life.

Four out of five ain't bad.

This week's gratitude post is a little awkward. I am supposed to list five things I like about myself, and why or how I'm grateful for those things. Which is super awkward because I have to talk about myself in a way that, to me, feels like bragging, and to be honest, with my self-esteem issues and depression, it can be hard to think of one thing I like about myself most days. So I don't know if I'll be able to come up with five things, but we'll try.

1. I like my strength. I don't like the fact that I have an anxiety disorder, or that most of my childhood memories are filled with miserable panic attacks. But I do like the fact that it's made me a stronger person. I'm pretty good at pushing through stuff that makes me uncomfortable. And I hate chickening out about stuff, because that makes me feel like my anxiety's winning, and I like being in control of my life, thank you very much. So my anxiety has made me a stronger person, and I like that. In counseling a few weeks ago, I was asked if I could imagine my life without the specter of anxiety, and I said that I could envision a life without panic attacks because I've had a few "off years" where it wasn't really an issue for me. Then she asked if I could imagine removing anxiety from my past- like, what life would have been like growing up without it. I said no. It's a part of me. It's not a great part, but it has helped to shape who I am. 
2. I like my craftiness. And by that, I don't mean shadiness. I like my artistic ability, which took a while to discover. It may mean my house is cluttered with craft supplies, but I also have a bunch of fun hobbies and the ability to make things that make people happy, whether it's helping with projects at work, making things for my sponsor kids, or planning crafts for the kids in Tanzania. It's fun. I like to create. 
3. I like my giving spirit. And I'm not talking about monetary stuff, because I don't have a lot of money. But I like the fact that I like giving people things to make them happy, whether it's writing letters to my sponsor kids, putting a lot of thought into people's Christmas presents, or baking a cobbler just because for my coworkers. I like giving and sharing and making people smile. I'm thankful that I'm built that way. Some people aren't. 
4. I like that it's easy for me to love. I love people. And animals, too. I am an overly empathetic person- that bit can be annoying sometimes, because I cry a lot at silly things, like movie scenes that don't make anyone else cry. Or commercials. Or books. But I think that the empathy makes it easier for me to be compassionate and see both sides of a situation and figure out what I can do to help. I'm glad I'm not a grumpy old mean person. I'm thankful that I worry about what other people are feeling, because it keeps me from hurting others sometimes with my sassy mouth (and it makes me properly apologetic when I do let something slip.) I have had more than my fair share of run-ins with nasty people over the past couple of years, and have experienced a lot of betrayal. And sometimes I wonder how those people got that way- how do you get to the point where you actively try to hurt people? Or how do you get to the point where you think it's ok to be hurtful? And I'm thankful that the way my heart is designed, I don't think that I'll ever be that way. 

OK, so I didn't get to 5. I tried. But all things considered, I think that I did pretty well. 

So here's my encouragement for you this week. I'm not going to say "think about how awesome you are" because that's weird and is totally missing the point. I'm going to ask you to think about what makes you you. What makes you unique, what makes you special. Even if it's stuff that seems bad on the surface, like my anxiety. And be grateful for it. Be thankful to God for making you that way. Be thankful to your family for shaping your mind and your life growing up. Be thankful for the tough experiences that have made you a better person. 

Muchas Gracias

Last week, I shared that the Gratitude Challenge for the week was to show gratitude to three people. Be intentional about it, and not just a compulsive "thank you" if somebody hands me something or blesses me when I sneeze. And this week's challenge was to share how I felt about it.

The first people I showed my gratitude towards were the guys who came and picked up my couch last week. Brandon and I had the tremendous opportunity to order a new couch and loveseat during an amazing sale back in March, and our furniture was finally ready to be delivered this past week. And I had to find someone to pick up my old couch *fast.* I called everyone I could think of. And when none of them could help me, I started taking suggestions. At each office- Kentucky Refugee Ministries, Catholic Charities of Louisville, the DAV, Volunteers of America, and everyone else I've lost track of, I was sure to express my thanks for any helpful advice I received. I felt bad that I just had one donation to give, and those who couldn't meet my own schedule were going to be missing out, for lack of a better term. Anyway, I finally found a place who could get my couch the next day, and these two gentlemen showed up with their truck and their work gloves. And they were so nice. And one of them had a beach hat and purple fingernails and he was like, six and a half feet tall. It was fun. I'm sure that at a lot of houses, people just kind of point and say "take that" and send them on their way, but I made an effort to talk to them, made a point to share how thankful I was that they were able to come on such short notice, and just try to make them feel appreciated. It's not really a glamorous job. I hope that they enjoy it (they seemed to) but I just really wanted them to know that I appreciated what they were doing, that they were really helping me out, and that I was grateful for that! And that made me feel good, and the next time I have furniture and other stuff to donate, I'll be giving them a call.

The next time I made an effort to show gratitude was my last day with my counselor, Julie. I'm not dropping out of counseling, but she had finished up her hours and taken her exit exam, so last week was our final week together, and now I'll be seeing someone else. I know that in some ways, it's Julie's job to connect with me and be supportive and kind and all that stuff. But I wanted to give her a token of my appreciation, because coming to counseling and sticking with it was kind of a big deal for me. She did a good job dealing with me, and never made me feel weird or unsure about the things I had to share. She has said some really nice things, things that I think go above and beyond what someone in her position would be required or feel obligated to do, and I really do appreciate that. So right before I left last Tuesday, I gave her a bracelet from the AP fundraiser that I'm doing. I picked out a pretty red one for her and explained what it was from and who made it and all that. She was happy to receive it and was appreciative, but her reaction wasn't quite as excited as I thought it would be. I don't mean to say that she was ungrateful, or that I feel like I deserved a bigger display of...something for giving it to her. I have just picked up on some of her mannerisms and the way she talks about things, so her reaction wasn't quite the same as I expected. But there's an important lesson in that. We don't give to receive thanks. And we don't show gratitude so someone else will think better of us or to receive something in return. We do it because it's the right thing to do. And any time we find ourselves giving with an expectation- whether it's a gift, a charitable donation, our letters to our sponsor kids, a kind note, whatever- then we need to step back and reevaluate things. There shouldn't be any sort of motive behind our giving other than to say "thank you" or "I love you" or "I appreciate you." If we are getting upset or frustrated or irritated about the way someone responds to that, then our motives probably weren't as pure as we'd like to pretend.

And finally, the last expression of gratitude for this little exercise went along with the gifts that are headed to Peru for our sponsor kids in a few weeks. A duffle bag of gifts is headed to Peru with my friends Kara and Paul, who are going to visit their mom Mrs. K (you may remember her from when she accepted and then re-mailed gifts for Brenda when she was living in Mexico!) These folks are being very generous in bringing the gifts for me (and a couple of friends) and while I didn't have a lot of money to offer them (which I doubt they would have accepted) I was sure to include a kind note and some treats for Mrs K. The big thing, though, was the note I included for the field office staff in Peru. I have been thinking about them a lot lately. When I went to Tanzania, I loved meeting the Compassion staff there just about as much as I enjoyed meeting all the kids. They all have such huge hearts. And in my experience, this seems to be a job requirement for everyone who works for Compassion. So I found a pretty card and wrote out my feelings about this whole thing- how much I appreciate their hard work. How glad I am that they love our kids as much as we do. How I am praying for them and how I pray that God blesses them abundantly, because they bless me in ways that they may not realize. I hope that some day I am able to travel to every Compassion country and meet the staff there, but I know that this probably will not happen. So from now on, each time I have a chance to send a gift to one of my kids, I'm going to include a note for the field office staff, beyond "thanks for getting these to my kids." And writing that note got me thinking about including a short note to other folks who work for Compassion, too- whether it's a happy little Post-it stuck in with my box of letters, meant to be read by the staffer in Colorado who gets the box and starts to sort out the contents inside, or including cards for my kids' tutors with their letters.

Showing gratitude makes me feel good. I enjoy doing it. I don't think that I came away from this week's challenge any differently than I expected, but I'm glad I did learn a little something, or have a little lightbulb come on, about our motives for giving thanks.

If you accepted my challenge of intentionally showing gratitude this week, I'd love to hear about your experiences in the comments!

And If Three Whole People, Why Not Four?

This week's gratitude challenge isn't a writing challenge, it's an action challenge. And since that's a little harder to write about, I thought about swapping it for something else, but I am tired and couldn't think of anything.

The action for this week is to express gratitude to three people. That shouldn't be too difficult, I hope. I think that one good thing about this challenge, for both myself and anyone else who is participating, is that we might recognize that a.) we don't express gratitude often enough, and b.) there are a lot of people in our lives that we should thank!

Here are some suggestions of people who should get a little gratitude thrown their way:

• Your parents
• Your kids
• Your spouse
• Your pastor
• Your teachers and professors
• Your coworkers
• Your friends
• Lunch ladies
• Firefighters and police officers
• The person who delivers your mail 
• The person who delivers your pizza
• The person who brings your carry-out to your car
• Or hands your fast food through the window
• The person who bags your groceries
• The person who rounds up shopping carts in the parking lot
• The person walking dogs and cleaning fish tanks at the pet store
• The cleaning crew at your work place
• Crossing guards
• Librarians

EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE "JUST" DOING THEIR JOBS, such as the person working carry-out at the restaurant preparing your dinner, that person is still HELPING YOU. And they probably feel like their work is pretty thankless from time to time. So what if they're getting paid for it? Don't they still deserve thanks for doing something helpful? The answer is "yes," because they are a human being. 

So my challenge is to intentionally show gratitude to three people this week. And next week I'm supposed to report back here and share about it. Even if you haven't been officially participating in the rest of this challenge with me, I encourage you to join in this week and show sincere gratitude to three people. Or more!

The People In My Way

This week's gratitude challenge is supposed to be about a friend of mine- but I had an idea to tweak that a bit and express my thankfulness for a certain type of friend. Sorry if it seems a little redundant, because I did talk about my friends a few weeks ago in some other posts. But these people need a shout-out of their own.

I am thankful for internet friends. I have been terribly blessed to "meet" some lovely, amazing, kind people because of the wonders of the interwebs. We may have never met face to face, but they are very dear to me.

I'll start with my friend Zach. Zach and I had a mutual friend once upon a time- a girl who went to school with my brother. I shared things on her facebook wall and he would comment on them, and vice versa. We discovered we had a lot in common and decided to be friends ourselves, without her as a go-between! And that was just such a good decision on my part- I love Zach to death. Not only are we hilarious together (we need a TV show, seriously) but he understands a lot of stuff about my life and the things I go through that no one else can really "get." Sometimes I get so sad because I want to meet him for dinner or get together and binge-watch a TV show, but I can't because he lives several states away. And I swear, if I thought I could get people to donate, I'd set up a fundraising website to crowdfund the resources for him to come for a visit. Or move down here. That'd be fine, too. He's an awesome source of support and encouragement and humor for me.

Or there's Hannah, whose blog I am constantly referencing on this one. I don't remember how Hannah and I got connected, but I know it had something to do with Compassion. Not only is she a wonderful sponsor, but she's a wonderful friend, too. Hannah is my prayer partner. Even though I have never met her in person, I know that I can ask her to pray for just about anything and she will do it. She's offered me encouragement, concern, sympathy, kindness, and support, with an open ear (or eyes, since we communicate by typing) and an open heart. And I love her family, too! I love sending stickers and books to her little boy Juanito (who thinks I am Jessie of 'Toy Story' fame, apparently- which I find hilarious) and will love doing the same when Rosie gets a little older, too. : )

And lastly, there's Shelley. My inner middle schooler is still a little excited to have made a friend who lives in England (the setting for almost every book I have ever loved- and my second favorite section of EPCOT at Disney World.) Shelley is such a sweetheart, another friend that I met through some Compassion-related source who has proved to be an invaluable friend and confidante. And as an added bonus, Shelley is in a different time zone, so if I need to message someone in the middle of the night, to ask for prayer or share about my anxiety, I can send her a facebook message and she will probably respond faster than a local friend would. :)

One of my favorite phrases from my sponsor kids is "God put you in our path." Anahi's mom says it sometimes (and sometimes it gets translated as being "in the way.") I am SO thankful that these people have been put in my path- and this is just a sampling of the lovely blessings I have received because of these long-distance, born-of-technology friendships. Friends, I am glad you are in my way, and I hope that you continue to be in my way for a very, very long time. :)

In Which I Live.

This week's gratitude challenge is "the city I live in", which not only sounds awkward because of the preposition at the end, but could NOT have better perfect timing.

Downtown Louisville

I live in Louisville, and while my city has many problems (bad air quality, not-so-great public schools, a weird mayor) it also has lots of cool stuff, too.

I'm grateful to live in Louisville because, despite claiming a population of a million people in the Metro area, it has a small town feel sometimes. There are so many little distinct neighborhoods, but they're all interconnected and have their own unique and special histories.

St James Court, Old Louisville

I'm grateful to live in a city that has a really amazing library history- we have like, 18 branches, three Carnegie libraries, a library that was created to serve the African American community in the segregated south (PS we are no longer segregated, but it's really neat that this resource was available at the time- and they have lots of special historical collections there now.) A library that focuses on our huge international community (more on that later) and provides thousands of books in dozens of languages for our international friends. A library that works so hard to encourage young readers with multiple "incentive" programs, storytimes, special events, and other things designed to engage children and their parents.

My new library. Isn't it gorgeous? There's a lot more to it, too! : )

I'm grateful to live in a city that welcomes people from all over the world with open arms. Citizenship ceremonies are frequently held at a number of our libraries. Conversation clubs take place at churches, schools, and libraries all around the city. Festivals celebrating different cultures and heritages take place down at the Waterfront. Restaurants owned by people from all over the world can be found in every corner of the city. You wouldn't expect such a large international community in the American South, but we have one!

Parade during Worldfest, a celebration of cultures represented in Louisville!

I'm grateful that my city has a reputation for being fun, quirky, unique and hospitable. This time of year, we really shine. We are finishing up the Derby Festival- the Kentucky Derby is tomorrow, taking place at Churchill Downs, right here in my city. It's known as "the most exciting three minutes in sports." A month before the race, we kick off the festival with Thunder Over Louisville, the country's largest fireworks show. The day of the show, there's a hot air balloon race and an airshow featuring the Blue Angels. Almost a million people gather at Waterfront Park, or stake out prime rooms at hotels downtown. The actual show opens with a patriotic poem and the flying of the American Flag, and closes with a display designed to make it look like we blew up one of the bridges crossing the Ohio River.

Thunder Over Louisville

After Thunder, there are a dozen other events building up to the big race. The balloon glow is an opportunity for families to come see all the hot air balloons lit up- it looks so cool! There's a marathon and a mini-marathon, a parade, and a host of other fun things going on. A few nights before the most important weekend around these parts, local Kroger stores put together the garland of lilies and the garland of roses that will be awarded to the winners of the Oaks and the Derby. They are so beautiful! The day before the Derby (that would be today) we have the Oaks. The Oaks is a race featuring three year old fillies (those would be lady horses, for the uninitiated.) I think that the locals like the Oaks more than the Derby. Everybody gets dressed up, fancy hats are very popular, and a lot of people wear pink! The lilies used in Oaks decorations are pink, and Churchill Downs partners with a couple of organizations that support breast cancer prevention and research. My dad, aunt, and cousin are there today. Last year, my cousin's hat was featured on a local news station's facebook page, which was pretty neat. It was beautiful- and my dad made it! This year I think she's wearing a fascinator. I prefer hats, but I think that's because they're bigger and more dramatic. :)

Pink at the Oaks!

And then there's Derby Day! The library is closed. We won't close for a blizzard or ice storm, but we will close for the Derby. A lot of people have Derby parties. There are tons of celebrities in town, and it's kind of fun to try to spot them on TV. My family gets together for dinner at my grandparents'. My grandma grills burgers and hot dogs, and we have my birthday celebration at the same time. This year I asked for a coke cake, which is amazing and if you've never had any, I'm so sad for you. It's chocolate cake made with coke (actually mammaw uses RC Cola, but where I live, all sodas are called Coke. And then you have to find out what kind it actually is.) If you HAVE had coke cake, I'm still sad for you because mammaw's is way better than any other coke cake made by any human being. Cracker Barrel restaurants carry it, and I tried it one time and threw my piece away, because I knew what I was missing out on. But I digress. There is so much pageantry involved with the Derby. The University of Louisville marching band performs "My Old Kentucky Home." Some celebrity sings the National Anthem (this year it's Josh Groban. Boo.) Everybody looks so fancy and a lot of them are smoking cigars and drinking mint juleps out of little silver glasses (I've never had either and I'm under the impression that both are nasty.)

The Derby is called the "run for the roses." I love seeing all the roses each year! 

So my city is a pretty great place to live, in a lot of ways. A lot of people think the south is boring and Kentucky is filled with nothing but shoeless hillbillies, but Louisville is pretty special. It's full of museums and great zoo and parks designed by Frederick Law Olmsted (he did Central Park in New York City, you know) and gorgeous scenery and hot restaurants and all these other neat things. Is there stuff I want to change about it? Definitely. But I kind of love it. We manage to have some of the stuff that bigger, more cosmopolitan cities have while maintaining our small town charm. We may not have any "professional" sports teams, but you'd be hard pressed to find a group of more dedicated fans than those of our local schools, the University of Kentucky and that other one that's not as cool. We're the northernmost southern city and the southernmost northern city, and we're pretty special, if I do say so myself.

Good and Perfect

This week's gratitude challenge was to share about something that someone gave me. It's really hard to pick just one thing to "celebrate" in public (meaning, on this blog. It's public, right?) So instead, I'm going to share my gratitude for the generosity of my friends in general.

There are such loving, kind people in my life who have given me such neat things or memories. And I remember why and how I got all of these different things. Giving gifts makes me really happy, and is my favorite part of holidays like Christmas. But everyone knows that it's also nice to get little surprises from people, too. :)

Jess and I exchange bags or baskets of little gifts for major holidays, which is so much fun. It probably started with Easter baskets. But we also do Halloween baskets and Valentine's baskets. There's usually candy involved, and she almost always includes either socks (fun ones!) or dish towels (also fun! I like seasonal themed things.) And things like lip gloss and nail polish and nice smelling candles. When we worked at our former branch, which was close to two grocery stores and a Walgreens, sometimes she'd surprise me with a pint of Ben & Jerry's waiting for me in the freezer! Little gifts from her brighten my day, and make otherwise boring holidays a little more exciting.

My friend Steph is such a generous person. She always buys things from me when I'm selling them, like the flower pens I made for our attempted adoption a few years ago, or jewelry from the Apparent Project fundraisers I've done. She's so funny- she loves blessing people with gifts, and she tries to find really unique stuff to give, too. It's so sweet. BUT because she's so excited about giving presents, she usually can't wait for the intended occasion to give the gift. :) When I started working at my new branch, she got me this super cool Erin Condren life planner, to keep my new schedule all organized and stuff. It's so fancy and lots of fun, and it's very helpful. But probably most importantly, it made me feel welcome. And I was so touched!

And when I started my new job, my friend Helen (who has worked with my mom for many years now) sent me a sweet card and a color-changing Hello Kitty pen from her recent visit to Disney World. HK is dressed up in a kimono on the pen because it came from the Japan pavilion at EPCOT (which I love.) I have a few authentic Japanese Hello Kitty items because Helen's daughter Amanda lives in Japan and works as a missionary, teaching English there. Amanda always sends me some cute Hello Kitty thing for my birthday, and when she comes home for furloughs (and she sent a gift when I had my surgery, too!) I even have Hello Kitty chopsticks and some other kitchen utensils!

All the people in my life who bless me with tangible tokens of our friendship mean a lot to me, and I don't forget the stories behind the gifts they've given; from the Haitian ornament Ashley sent when her son A. was brought home, to the pretty necklace Zach sent from Connecticut, to the Bolivian doll from Hannah that's sitting on the bookshelf in my future children's room, to the little Newfoundland magnet another Hannah mailed to add to my collection- I think every gift is special, and I treasure them all, but I especially appreciate the relationships they came out of!

Take some time this week to think about a gift you've been given that means a lot to you, and maybe drop the gift giver a line reminding them about how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness. I guarantee it will put a smile on their face!

I'll try not to sing out of key.

This week's gratitude challenge post is supposed to be about a specific family member. I am not taking the bait- don't want anyone to wonder why they didn't get their own post. So I am changing the rules a little bit, and sharing about someone who is like family to me.

I do not have a sister (and no sisters-in-law yet, either) but if I did, I imagine she'd be like my friend Jess. But with a different name. I tell her sometimes she's like the sister I never had, but she already has a sister of her own, so I feel a little weird saying that . :) She is everything to me that a sister should be, though, minus the being related part. I met her when she started working at my old library branch, a few weeks after I did, and I remember thinking "ugh, another Jessica. This might be weird. But I was here first and I already said I prefer to be called Jessi, so she has to pick another name." Which is such a silly thing to think! And now neither of us calls the other anything but Jess. We are Jess and Other Jess. Sometimes interchangeable (at least, to the patrons...and some volunteers...) We have so much in common, but not so much as to be annoying. Some people think we even kind of look alike- I have been confused for her on more than one occasion, and she has done the same for me. And we usually just pretend that the confused person is right, and pass along their greetings when we see the other one- like when her high school English teacher came in to the library and greeted me with "hello, Jessica! How have you been? How's married life?" I was able to answer "great! Going on five years now!" because she got married a few months after Brandon and I did! This kind of thing happens surprisingly often, and it greatly amuses both of us.

More important than the little similarities is the tremendous amount of support she has shown me over the years. What started off as casual work friendship has grown much deeper. She is my sounding board, confidante, and encourager. She gives me advice and listens to my problems and is pretty great at making me smile or feel better after a stupid day. When she transferred to another branch last year, I was so sad, and made a point to come see her once a week on my way to counseling, but it just wasn't as much fun as getting to see her almost every day. I am so thankful that the opportunity opened up for me to move to the same branch. I would have come here anyway, even if she wasn't here, but it's just like, the best bonus.

This week, this special person I consider to be as good as family had a pretty major event, and expanded her own family! Jess gave birth to a precious, blond-haired, round faced little baby on Sunday afternoon, and I'm glad that she gets to be a part of my life, too. I have already gotten her waaaaay too many baby presents by some people's standards (I could have gotten more) but I had a thought. People who have babies get lots of presents, but the presents aren't really for them, they're for the baby. And they're helpful and fun and cute, but still. It's not the same. And I am blown away by the strength and amazingness my sweet friend displayed by creating a human being and then bringing that tiny person into the world (after a very, very long labor.) I wanted to give her a little surprise to express these feelings- the "way to go, you are awesome" feelings, the "congratulations" ones, and the "I'm so thankful that you are in my life" ones. So I got her a pretty silver necklace, the kind that comes in the box with the cheesy pre-printed saying, and then threw in a bunch of these candies she likes that were on Easter clearance. Surely the sugar will be helpful when she has to get up in the middle night and take care of the kid, right?

So my thoughts for sharing this week are these: sometimes, your family can be made up of people you're not related to by genetics, adoption, or marriage. These people are a treasure and it's good to periodically remind them that you cherish them. And if you know a new mom, maybe you can bless her with a gift that is just for her, not for the little person who is keeping her up every night and spitting up on her every day. : )

We don't have our own tartan.

I'm continuing my series of posts about mindfulness and intentional gratitude. This week's post is about family. 

I'm supposed to believe that the word "family" can apply to just about any grouping of people. That's what all the children's books I read at work tell me. Families can have one parents or two parents or stepparents, or you can be cared for by grandparents or aunts or uncles or other relatives- that can be your family. Sometimes a family is just two people- a child and a guardian. A two-person "family" makes sense in that context, but for some reason, I have a hard time thinking of myself as living in a house with my "family." In my head, just Brandon and I together doesn't really fit that word (and I know some friends call their pets their "fur babies" and treat them like family- I love Gimli but that terminology just does not work for me.) When I'm asked about my family, I still think of my mom, dad, and brother (and then move outward from that) even though I haven't lived in the same house as them in over five years. This week I'm supposed to write about my family. I already talked about Brandon in my previous post- so now I will tell you about the family I used to live with (and to which I still belong.)

I say this kind of often on facebook, but I am so thankful that most of my family lives nearby. That in no way minimizes my love for my family members who live far away- I just realize that not everyone has it as good as I do! I have always been surrounded by family, even though my family is not really that big (certainly not compared to Brandon's!) My family has always been there, and I hope they always will be. My mom, dad, and brother still live in the same house we moved into right before Jonathan was born, in 1992. When I was a kid, my mom's parents lived just down the street. My dad's parents lived about 10 minutes away, in good traffic. Sometimes I estimate that growing up, I spent almost as much time with extended family as I did my parents. Unless mom and dad were on vacation, one of my grandmothers would pick me up from school. I never went to daycare and never had a babysitter, that I can remember. We stayed with them during spring, summer, and Christmas breaks. Sometimes on the weekends if something special was going on, like inventory at my mom's bookstore (dad helped out with that, too.) And since throughout most of my childhood, I spent a lot of time with my cousins, too. At one house was my mom's nephew, and at the other was my dad's niece. There was no scenario in which I had to take the bus home from school, or come home to an empty house, or not be able to go somewhere because I didn't have a ride. I've always appreciated the benefits of having a close family close-by!!

I think I appreciate that now more than ever. Holidays can be pretty crazy for Brandon and I, since pretty much everyone lives in the same city. We have five Christmases within the span of 24 hours!!!) But I wouldn't trade it for anything! I'm never going to be alone on a holiday. I'm not going to have to worry about getting "home for the holidays," because I'm pretty much already there. If we have a need, someone is close by. When my wisdom teeth desperately needed to escape my mouth, my Mammaw took me to meet with the oral surgeon and took me back to have the surgery shortly afterward- and made sure I got in bed OK, since I was stumbling around pretty pathetically because of the anesthesia. My dad took me out to buy our new microwave a few months ago (and Brandon's dad came over and installed it!!) My mom stops by every once in a while when we are strapped for cash with a bag of groceries, and adds in fun stuff she knows I'll like, like nail polish and peanut butter M&M's. My uncle came over to check things out when all the snow finally melted and we saw that there was an important-looking part dangling off of the underside of my car.  I get to see most of my family throughout the year, for all the different holidays (and sometimes just for fun.) The list goes on and on.

I am so incredibly grateful for my family, and the fact that I can get to almost all of them within 30 minutes, if need be. The next time you are with your family, take some time to really savor the time you have together. Pay attention to the little things they do that make you smile or laugh or even cringe. Whatever family you have, whether you were born or adopted into it, married into it, or your family is made up of important people that you're just really close to, they are a gift!!

My missing piece.

I'm trying to keep up with my gratitude challenge- though I can't guarantee that I'll be able to post on the same day every week, I do plan on trying to post! 

This weeks gratitude suggestion was about spouses. And let me tell you, I am so thankful for my husband. It's kind of a miracle that we got together, and I'm very glad we did. Brandon and I have known each other for over a really long time, but we didn't really have anything to do with each other for the first several years after we met. I'm thankful for the circumstances that brought us together- thankful that I was feeling left behind by a friend and decided to reach out to other folks that I wouldn't have had time to connect with otherwise. Thankful that the one person I happened to speak with mentioned Brandon. Thankful that I thought it would be funny to get in touch with him and say hi. I'm thankful that we were able to get to know each other so well through writing before we even started dating, too- I think that taking the time to really get to know someone you're interested in before you start dating is so important! And it minimizes some of the heartbreak if things don't work out, too. 

I'd pretty much be lost without Brandon. I wouldn't have been able to stay in school as long as I did without his help- even though he had no obligation to help me with tuition, he did. He took incredibly demanding courses in college and worked and still made time to see me and spend time with me. He has always been such a hard worker- even though our life hasn't quite worked out as we thought it would five years ago when we got married, we wouldn't have anything we do now if it wasn't for him. We wouldn't have been able to afford a decent apartment, or buy a house. I'm thankful that he's so sensible and smart with money and keeps me accountable and knows what he's doing, because half the time I feel like I don't. 

I'm thankful we have so much in common- we love to have fun together, whether it's watching a movie or talking about a news article or visiting the zoo (one of our very favorite things to do!) We love to laugh, too, and I'm glad I married someone who just cracks me up. Brandon has a reputation for being quiet and not saying much- and it's true that small talk isn't his thing, and it can be a little tough to get him to open up sometimes. But he is actually very hilarious, and has so many funny thoughts and ideas. He says the silliest things and likes to keep me entertained! He is so good at cheering me up when I am feeling sad or angry or just a little off. 

And one of the things that I'm most thankful for is that he is steady. Brandon can be very stoic- and that's good for me. His calm demeanor and ability to see things clearly and logically keeps me in balance. When I am feeling frantic, he is perfectly rational. When I'm worried, he is calm. When I'm blowing things out of proportion or completely overreacting, he brings me back down to earth. He may not always be able to connect with me in ways that I expect, but he is the perfect counterbalance to my craziness. 

I am thankful for Brandon. If he wasn't who he is, we wouldn't have made it this far. I'd be a lot more messed up than I am today. And I wouldn't feel whole without him! 

If you are married or have a significant other, try to take time this week to show him or her how grateful you are to have them in your life. Whether it's fixing a favorite meal, letting them choose the Netflix movie, deciding to let an argument go, or just simply saying "I'm thankful for you," everyone likes to feel appreciated- and showing that appreciation is good for your relationship, and can make you feel good, too! 

On being intentional, and various other buzzwords

I haven't been particularly chatty lately. I don't know if you have noticed- if you haven't, that's ok! I'm keeping up with my regular posts on my blog, but I haven't been posting much extra. I'm slow to respond to emails and messages, and I've realized I'm not reaching out quite as much as I normally would. I think that there are a lot of reasons for the way I've turned a bit inward these past few weeks. Changing jobs has been exciting and a relief, but at the same time the change has weighed heavily on me. Any time there's a big change in my life, it affects me physically and emotionally. Even rearranging furniture can be unsettling for me. And I would say that there are some things in my life right now- feelings I'm dealing with, stuff that's coming up in counseling, and even a few issues with my physical health- that are causing me to move a little slower, think a little harder, be a little quieter.

There has been a lot of introspection going on lately.

During this inward turn, I've been thinking a lot about gratitude, and doing more journaling, too. When looking into some journaling prompts, I found a really neat blog series about a gratitude challenge. Well, I don't know how neat the series is, because I haven't read it yet. But I did find a graphic in which the author lists a particular theme for weekly posts about gratitude. She challenged herself to be more grateful (and be more mindful of the things for which she can be grateful) throughout the year, and her posts shine a light on particular areas of her life, and how thankful she is for those things. I am going to work on tweaking her list a bit to better suit my needs, and maybe come up with my own graphic to share on here! But in the meantime, I wanted to share an introductory post today, explaining what I'm hoping to do. And I think that a good place to start is to share something I'm grateful for today.

Today, I'm grateful for rest. I'm having my own little sabbath today. It's been a bit of a challenge to adjust to having Wednesdays off (again, changes in routine are hard for me.) Monday and Tuesday were a struggle. Time crawled very slowly. Work sort of dragged on (I am so happy to be there, but things seem to move a little slower at this branch- maybe it's because everyone pitches in to help out, so there doesn't seem to be as much to do!) My issues with my feelings haven't been dragging me down, but they definitely have made me a little off kilter. And to top that off, I'm having problems with both my stomach and my back. For days, I have just been craving rest. Do you ever feel that way? It's not the same as wanting a lazy day. It's not that I don't feel like doing anything. The issue is that I need to not do anything. I need to give myself a break- I have been pushing myself really hard lately, trying to be a better home-keeper, a better spouse, and even a better employee (I still feel like I'm trying to make a good impression, one month in!) Something I'm really working on is convincing myself that missing out on something, or not getting everything done that I write on my to-do list (which is very ambitious, most days) does not make me a failure. I am extraordinarily hard on myself when it comes to, well, just about everything. Giving myself a break helps me work on breaking that negative thought habit.

I'm grateful that I have a built in day of rest this week. I'm grateful that my responsibilities for the day are at a minimum. I'm grateful that I get to spend some time with my husband this afternoon and evening- we don't get to spend a lot of time together during the NCAA tournament (he camps out with all our available screens to watch the games and keep score for our entire family.) And I am especially grateful that I get to go to my magical new hair place today, which is really more of a very affordable and friendly spa than anything else. I'm so looking forward to it!

Seeking the good things and being intentionally grateful has been really great for my headspace, and I think that if you give it a try, you'll find it's pretty great for you, too! And you're welcome to join me in this blogging challenge- whether you want to post publicly or want to use the topics as journaling prompts, I think that it will be a lot of fun!